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Name: Molly
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Anger. - January 12th 2013, 07:40 PM

Lately, when I'm angry, I tend to get a bit aggressive.

The way it's always worked with me, is that when I used to be angry, I would remove myself from the situation and calm down and then be able to deal with it. But, I now have a boyfriend. And he doesn't leave me alone when I'm angry, no matter how many times he says he will, he never does. (I made another thread about this problem).

And, when he doesn't leave me alone, I just get angrier and angrier and angrier. And all that is going around my head is that I want to be left alone. Of course, my boyfriend doesn't leave me alone. So, I'll try to push him out of my way, but he's a lot heavier and stronger than me, so he won't move. And then I'll start punching and kicking and hitting and elbowing him just to get him out of my way, because I don't care right now, I just want to be left alone.

I know it's bad that I actually find it quite easy to hit him and stuff (I never beat him right down, I just shove him and slap him and stuff) but I don't know what else to do.

How can I control my anger? Should I get help for it? And how do I stop myself from kicking, hitting, shoving and elbowing him?

Thanks,
RosieJ


And she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

22/12/2014 was the last date I self-harmed. The longest I have gone so far is 1 year, 2 months and 5 days. This time, I hope I can give up! New record: 1 year 6 months! Yay!!
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Re: Anger. - January 12th 2013, 10:23 PM

Hi Molly
Obviously, your boyfriend is not getting the message that you would like to be left alone, and this is quite a concern, as partners should always listen to your needs.

I'm not sure whether you mean he won't ever leave you alone, like he's always popping by your home or wanting to go out every night, or when you spend time together you need periods of time where you need to be alone. If it is the second, then I suppose your boyfriend is not used to the idea that partners need a little bit of private time to themselves if they're together all the time, and this will need to be discussed with him at a time when you are both calm. As you a prone to anger and need to be alone more often to cool down, make sure that this is fully understood by your boyfriend. If it is the former, then I suggest you let your boyfriend know that people require time without their partners, and that although relationships are a major part of a person's life, they do not make up all of it.

As for kicking and punching him - to me, as you are a couple, I can understand why you resorted to that as you were very frustrated and wanted to feel as if you were being listened to by someone you trust and are close to, and in a state of anger where it is harder to control your behaviour. So, for someone who is prone to anger, I don't think there was anything too concerning with this, as long as no physical injury was caused. But to avoid this particular scenerio occurring again, your boyfriend really needs to listen to you and respect your needs. It is really important that you tell him that in order for you to avoid getting in a state where you have less control over your behaviour, you must be left alone for a bit to calm down. If he still doesn't listen to you or respect this part of you, then I'm not sure how much he really respects you as a person and there may be other issues there.

I don't think there is any immediate need to get counselling of some sort for anger issues as you do have a way to calm yourself down that works when you need to, but in order to stop you from needing to this to control anger as frequently, some type of assistance would be beneficial.

I hope all goes well, keep us updated
¬Amy


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at ease in your own shell.
   
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