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Angry Could I be Passive Aggressive? - March 30th 2013, 02:40 AM

So, when I was younger, I had SERIOUS anger problems, I went through years of therapy for it, and not, most people would never guess that I once had anger issues. But every so often, I get a brief moment of pure rage, when I say "brief Moment," it is literally a split- second, and usually I resist reacting in a negative way.

But today, my friend, who I am on the track team (Discus) with told me that the coaches don't think I am trying. I immediately got angry, and responded with a few curse words. I practice almost everyday, on my own, AFTER practice, I have only ever missed one practice, for a legitimate reason. I can't throw as far as the others, but I try harder than all of the other girls on the team. For her to say that to me was extremely undermining, which was rude of her, considering I always encourage her, and have never tried to belittle her.

So yeah that ruined my entire day. But once I got over the anger, I looked back at my reaction:

After that happened, I mostly avoided her, but if asked if I was okay, I always said yes (With the exeption of my one friend.) And I don't know why, but even once the anger subsided, I still didn't want to talk to her, I wasn't mad, I just wasn't in the mood. .-. Venting helps, but now, back to my original question, are these signs of passive aggression?

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Re: Could I be Passive Aggressive? - March 30th 2013, 02:56 AM

Someone said something that hurt your feelings. You reacted in a way that might be expected (getting angry and expressing it by cursing). The feeling of anger eventually passed, and you felt some embarrassment afterward, which also might be expected (people generally don't like to be seen as "out of control"). While you might not have felt angry afterward, you still might have felt hurt, which (again) also might be expected.

So based on what you told us... no, I wouldn't say this is passive-aggressive behavior. It could be passive-aggressive behavior if you continued to avoid your friend for a very long period of time, didn't give her a straight answer when confronted, etc. Those actions would be seen as hostile/manipulative in some way. What you did in this particular case was pretty typical, though (you felt hurt, reacted with anger, and took some time to be alone because you still felt hurt), so I wouldn't worry about it. Once you feel less embarrassed about the situation, I'm sure you'll be able to talk to your friend again, and either put the incident behind you by not bringing it up again (which is NOT passive-aggressive - that's just a method of coping and gaining closure), or letting her know why you reacted in the way you did.

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aggressive, agression, anger, passive

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