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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
myimmortal Offline
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Name: Safiya
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Exclamation Something is seriously affecting my life :( - March 31st 2013, 08:11 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I'm not sure if this is like bipolar disorder, or some kind of split personality problem, but here's what is seriously starting to have an effect on me.

I'm 14 and have these periods of really dangerous behavior,depression, and anger. I get all of those symptoms together, for a period of around 4 1/2 months at a time. If I can remember correctly, this started to happen in very early 2012.

December 2011, I was completely fine, the happiest person alive. Around March 2012, I got very depressed but nothing more, and that lasted for 3 months. Then for 2 1/2 months I was okay again. Then in late September 2012, I became severely depressed, with anger,and dangerous behavior. I'll explain a little bit.

In late Sep 2012 I would be very tired the whole day even if I slept well, I would snap at everyone at the slightest thing, I would have unbearable social anxiety ( I couldn't even answer my phone without panicking.), and I had this thing where I would do anything to hurt myself in any way. I felt like I had to punish myself for something I didn't even do. I would cut myself,pull my hair,scratch my arms,and take sleeping pills even though I would sleep well.
And through all of this weird behavior, I never got satisfaction out of it. There really was no reason for it except "you deserve it".

All that lasted every single day, for 5 1/2 months, Ending in mid-February 2013.

I'm okay now, but I feel like I'm going down again. Slowly, I'm getting waaayyy more anxious about talking to people, and I've recently developed this thing where I do NOT want to leave my house. I don't know if this is like agoraphobia, but I get really happy if something I was doing that day cancelled, because I wouldn't have to leave my house. When I wake up, I count down the hours before I have to leave to go somewhere,and I get VERY anxious when a friend comes over, or I go to their house. I'll start sweating uncontrollably and feel anxious the whole time.

Please just help me out a bit, if you've had something like this, or know what this is. My mom doesn't seem to think this is a big deal so I can't see a doctor or a psychiatrist, believe me I've asked her a million times to see one

Thanks,- safiya
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Re: Something is seriously affecting my life :( - March 31st 2013, 08:54 PM

Hey there! I am sorry your mother is not taking your concerns seriously. Does she know you have self-harmed in the past? As your caregiver, she has the responsibility to ensure you receive some kind of treatment. If the self-harm would be news to her, I'd try sitting her down as soon as possible, and calmly explaining to her that you need help, that this is not a passing teenage phase or due to "hormones," and that you may hurt yourself again if you do not receive help. If she won't listen, start talking to other people. Your school counselor/psychologist may have a few resources at their disposal. Additionally, you could try calling your doctor, the local police department, DCFS, and suicide hotlines (even if you're not actively suicidal, you may be able to obtain resources from them). Bottom-line, keep reaching out, and get people to listen, until somebody helps you!

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Re: Something is seriously affecting my life :( - April 3rd 2013, 10:07 AM

Hey Safiya,
I'm sorry things have been rough for you in the past few years. Emotional rollercoasters are the worst. They're just so exhausting. You really should see a doctor or some sort of counselor. Do you go to a school where you could talk to a counselor?

It's not normal to feel this badly. And I don't mean that in a way to make you feel bad, but just to say that people like me, you and a bunch of other people aren't supposed to feel that way all the time and if we get help, we can heal.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk,

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Re: Something is seriously affecting my life :( - April 3rd 2013, 06:51 PM

That sounds rough, and it definitely sounds like something is wrong, although only a professional can diagnose you. Try talking to your mother again. If she won't listen, maybe you could write it down for her to read. Go into detail so she knows how serious it is, and how you're worried you might hurt yourself again.

If she still won't listen, and you really can't see a doctor on your own, then speak to someone at school or to another adult in your family. If you tell someone at school that you're worried about hurting yourself, they have a responsibility to get you help, which would include speaking to your mother about it. It might help her to hear it from another adult.

I'm sorry she's not listening to you, but you deserve support, and sometimes we have to fight to get that support.

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