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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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Charlotte199 Offline
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Question I'm really confused and concerned... - May 18th 2013, 08:23 AM

Well, first of all, I am currently a sufferer from depression. I've been self-harming for some months now and lost a couple of 'friends' due to it or they've just sort of floated away etc.

But one thing that I am getting very concerned about is my anger and mood swings. Just yesterday I got angry in the morning, (at first I couldn't get out of bed) and I threw about 2 of my drawers out and a load of my books off the shelf. I harmed then and it calmed me down a bit and once I was just about okay, I got ready for school and went.

I was alright for school I guess, faking a smile and whatnot so people thought I was okay, but in reality I wanted to kill a lot of them. I constantly doubt my abilities at school and say 'im going to fail this exam next year etcetc'. I hate my looks, my body and everything about me tbh.

Last night, my family found out about my anger and my brother called me a 'spiteful cunt' and that really hurt, considering he doesn't understand.

I went upstairs and done absolutely nothing and then came back down and spoke to my mum. I can't remember what I told her and I also mentioned about my older brother calling me a cunt but she just blanked me and rang someone, so I got angry and went outside. I then came back in and ate loads and loads and then stormed off upstairs.

Usually I'm happy and bubbly but I get spells of depression, anxiety and anger all throughout the day and it is really driving me insane.

Oh, and on thursday I went on a trip to the Tate Modern art gallery in London. I was in a room surrounded by people and I was looking at a painting when a man passed. If I remember clearly, I stepped out of the way and let him pass. I turned round to check where my group was and quickly turned back around, to find the man was gone, vanished. He was walking slowly and he was talking into a phone and there were no turnings to go into, he just evaporated or something. Any help with that because that's also driving me insane.

"No matter how hard your rock bottom is, you can rise above it and you can come back."
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Re: I'm really confused and concerned... - May 22nd 2013, 12:25 AM

Hey there! I'm sorry you haven't received a response over the past three days. Sometimes, people can get busy over the weekend, and it's also close to finals week for some people. Still, I'm sorry you had to wait. =(

I don't know about the man at the art gallery, but if you suspect you're suffering from depression, getting evaluated by medical and mental health professionals would be the next step. I say medical BEFORE mental because medical conditions can affect one's mood. If your medical doctor discovers a vitamin deficiency, for example, a simple change in your diet may alleviate your depression.

Not everyone who experiences depression always feel "sad." In fact, many people describe themselves as feeling "irritable," or even "angry," when they are experiencing depression. This is definitely something you can (and should) talk about with other people - obviously, it will have to be people who are more understanding of your situation. I am so sorry your family members were either critical or dismissive, but I can assure you that there are people who WILL care and WILL listen, if you're willing to seek them out. A school counselor could be a good starting point, and if you see a mental health professional, combining therapy with medication will allow you to discuss what's going on without simply resorting to "popping pills."

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Charlotte199 Offline
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Re: I'm really confused and concerned... - May 22nd 2013, 03:26 PM

I went to a doctor and got told I'm depressed, but I haven't had a proper evaluation. I've been on waiting lists for counselling for some months now and my parents can be supportive but sometimes it seems like they're yelling at me. People may tell me things and I'll twist it into something worse and beat myself up over it and it makes me even more down. I get angry at the littlest things and it is driving me absolutely crazy. I get headaches and pains all over my body and nausea but I got given Domperidone to take. I just don't know what to do.

"No matter how hard your rock bottom is, you can rise above it and you can come back."
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