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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dani99 Offline
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BPD (Please help?) - June 6th 2014, 02:15 AM

Does anyone know how to get over borderline personality disorder? Or how to be better? I know what it is, I know what the behavior is. And I can easily look back and say "Wow, when I _____ that was really borderlineish!". But in the moment I feel so angry, hurt, confused, and my anxiety is going through the roof I lash out. I drink, I self harm, I attack people. I'm constantly scared and have panic attacks. Anytime someone so much as cancels plans with me I freak out and think "They don't like me anymore. I'm a horrible person." and end up attacking them for it. In the moment it doesn't feel irrational. It feels so real and it freaks me out. And then my freak outs drive everyone away.

I've lost 11 friends in the last 2 months.

Help. Someone PLEASE help. How do you get better? I've been through so many therapists, counselors, mental health facility, anti depressants. I don't know how to help myself.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 6th 2014, 05:55 PM

Hello,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this issue. I would suggest maybe talking to a therapist who specializes in borderline personality disorder. I know how it feels, when people cancel plans with me, I think the same thing and sometimes lash out as well. Borderline personality disorder is something that you just can't get over, but you can learn to cope with your anger and manage your moods and behaviors better with help. I wish you all the best of luck, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

rachel.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 6th 2014, 06:09 PM

Danielle,

If you have seen a mental health professional before, they would have diagnosed you with BPD. With BPD its really easy to see the list of symptoms and sympathize with them. But that in no way means you actually have BPD. Its always best to leave diagnosing and medical problems, physical or mental, up to a medical professional.

To answer your question is there a way to get rid of BPD, the short answer is no. Personality disorders as a group are not something you can cure. A person with a personality disorder can go through counselling, perhaps medication, learn ways to cope, but their disorder will most likely never go away. They are one of the more difficult mental health issues to treat.

Honestly, you have had so much loss, it’s not unreasonable for you to be struggling. Grief is not a mental disorder; it’s a natural part of life. And while your grief may be pushing you to do unhealthy things, that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. I highly recommend that you see a counsellor that specializes in grief. You can learn some healthy coping mechanism that will not only help you deal with grief, but all kinds of stress.

And remember, you always have us here at TeenHelp to talk to if you ever need someone to listen.




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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 6th 2014, 07:17 PM

Hey
I'm sorry your going through this. I know how hard this is. I am in DBT right now and they teach you skilld and it is supposed to help with BPD. I would suggest if you are diagnosed with it ask your therapist if this program would work for you. If your not diagnosed then I would first get diagnosed.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 6th 2014, 10:13 PM

Lizzie, I HAVE been diagnosed. That's why I made this thread. I don't just make these things up as I go. I have been diagnosed because I, in fact, fit under 8/9 of the criteria (as I was told by a mental health professional right after being put in a mental facility). I still struggle with it. I want help to know how to fix this, or how to be better. I lash out at people because my anxiety gets so bad.

When I say I'm able to look back on it and say "Wow, that was very borderline" or whatever, I'm saying that NOW that I know I have BPD, I'm able to understand WHY I do things more and I'm able to call myself out on it. But I don't think rationally enough to call myself out on it under after the damage is done.

For example, a few weeks ago I threatened suicide to a friend and justified "Nobody ever stays in my life and soon you'll leave, too. I know you will" and in the moment I couldn't sit back and say "This is the borderline talking. Take a deep breath and relax". Instead in the moment it was "God everyone hates me and I'm a horrible person and I honestly don't know why I'm even alive anymore." but the next day I thought about it and could relate it to "Borderline strikes again"

I don't know where you got the idea I wasn't diagnosed from, though, because I never said that.

As far as DBT, I will ask about that. I've heard about it many times but never really looked into it.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3


   
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 7th 2014, 06:36 PM

Hey there,

As I've mentioned in one of your threads, I too have been diagnosed with BPD. I'd tell you how to manage it if I knew how, but I honestly don't. So, I am just going to share my experience here and hope that you might find something helpful.

When my disorder was at its peak, I had turned into a mean bitch and lost a lot of very close friends. I now realize that the bitchiness was due to lack of patience to deal with people. I feel that somewhere I could have saved some friendships had I been honest about my mental health, but I was never told about the diagnosis. When I look back, I think that it could have been different if my best friend knew that the anger was just the disorder acting up and not me. I could have asked her to not take it seriously or something like that. If people close to you know the reason behind your actions, it can change their point of view.

Being aware about yourself makes a huge difference. In my view, it is the first step to tackling a problem. That way you can also explain the problem to your friends and family in more detail and help them to understand what is going on with you. You can also guide them as to how they can help you in difficult situations. You may not know what will help at first, but you can find through trial and error.

Researching about BPD helped me a lot in understanding myself which made me feel a lot better. Reading about other people’s experiences was a big consolation as it assured me that I wasn’t making it up or it wasn’t just me alone.

I was on the edge all the time, anything, any statement could hurt me. And the response was explosive, I used to cry for hours without confiding in anyone the reason behind the tears and the screams. When I look back now, explaining the cause, talking about what upset me, explaining how I was feeling at that moment or even a little later when I had been feeling calmer could have made me feel better or even prevent such future events. I should have gone out during breakdowns, distracted myself instead of being huddled up in my room, I should have been honest about my feelings. Lack of understanding from my mother always stopped me but I think I should have explained better if I tried. I should have helped her to help me.

Of course, all that is extremely tough to do at that moment. I could never even sleep during breakdowns, there was so much unrest. What eventually helped me was getting a dog. I was much more at peace after that and I am able to sleep to escape the tough emotions at times.

Medicines of course played a big role. But the fact is that ultimately therapy can find a permanent solution. My psychiatrist recommended DBT many times but unfortunately I never found any good therapist. Nonetheless, it is definitely something that you should look into.

My experiences were probably very different from yours. When our mental health isn't too well, it makes thinking rationally difficult. If you go into certain situations in more detail, maybe we or your therapist could help you out in understanding how it can be dealt with in a different manner. It won't be easy, but it is definitely not impossible.

Please feel free to PM/VM me anytime.

Take care of yourself.



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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 8th 2014, 10:31 PM

Hi There,

I actually thought the same as Lizzie, that you hadn't been diagnosed. You did not mention being just that you knew what the symptoms are and that you have moments where you think that certain things you do are related to BPD. You did mention seeing mental health professionals such as counselors however there was no specification about them diagnosing you.
I can see why you would be struggling right now. Losing friends is hard for many people and it is very upsetting. Do you currently see a counselor? I know you have seen many but their are specific treatments that can help with BPD such as DBT and other therapies. Also, maybe group therapy with other people that have BPD in your area could be helpful so you can learn how other people manage it. BPD is not curable but with medication and therapy it is possible to do very well.
Some medications are not for everyone and if you are on a medication that you are thinking is not helping with your BPD, you can let your psychiatrist or doctor know and maybe you can switch medications or figure out other treatments.
Lastly, you ultimately are the only person that can make the changes required in order for things to get easier. Therapists and counselors can give you suggestions about what you can do, teach you how to manage anxiety and panic attacks and listen to you and go through how you can better cope with situations. There help is great and the help of medication is useful but it requires you acting as well: doing what you have to for yourself and those around you. Not all people understand or know about BPD so explaining it to those that you are close to can help them understand you better and know what bothers you and what does not.
I hope this helps and that things improve for you.


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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 9th 2014, 09:07 AM

I do see a counselor. Right now I am 17 hours away from home but my counselor told me that once I get back she wants to talk to me more about DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I'm interested in starting it, and she thinks that it can really do me some good to find a DBT program and give it a try. I've been doing my research on it and talking to people who have been in the program and to me it REALLY seems worth it. My only problem is that in the fall I'm leaving an hour or so away for college and the closest DBT program from the college is 45 minutes away, and lord knows how much gas money would be needed for that. I'm still trying to see if there is anywhere closer but so far, no luck.

And this is REALLY something I want to do. I want to get better. I want to stop feeling angry and taking it out on people. I want to think more rationally and stop having so much anxiety. And I want to stop turning to self harm and alcohol to cope. And I want to stop ruining my relationships with suicide threats and attacks. This is really no way to live.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3


   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Lizzie Offline
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Re: BPD (Please help?) - June 9th 2014, 06:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dani99 View Post
Lizzie, I HAVE been diagnosed. That's why I made this thread. I don't just make these things up as I go. I have been diagnosed because I, in fact, fit under 8/9 of the criteria (as I was told by a mental health professional right after being put in a mental facility). I still struggle with it. I want help to know how to fix this, or how to be better. I lash out at people because my anxiety gets so bad.

When I say I'm able to look back on it and say "Wow, that was very borderline" or whatever, I'm saying that NOW that I know I have BPD, I'm able to understand WHY I do things more and I'm able to call myself out on it. But I don't think rationally enough to call myself out on it under after the damage is done.

For example, a few weeks ago I threatened suicide to a friend and justified "Nobody ever stays in my life and soon you'll leave, too. I know you will" and in the moment I couldn't sit back and say "This is the borderline talking. Take a deep breath and relax". Instead in the moment it was "God everyone hates me and I'm a horrible person and I honestly don't know why I'm even alive anymore." but the next day I thought about it and could relate it to "Borderline strikes again"

I don't know where you got the idea I wasn't diagnosed from, though, because I never said that.
Like Kakorrhaphiophobia said, the way you wrote your original post made it sound like you were unsure if you had the disorder or not. I apologize if I came across that way, but I was not accusing you of making things up. I figured that you were trying to figure out if you had the disorder and I was responding to that.

Have you and your counselor looked into the option of Biofeedback therapy?




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