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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
specspi Offline
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OCD - July 29th 2014, 01:45 AM

Hello, it's been quite a while since I posted on here.

I'm in a brand new relationship, it'll be 10 months on August 5. She is a great girl, and I can definitely see myself settling down with her, and it looks fun. Now here's my problem. Throughout the relationship, I proposed and now we are engaged! I am very looking forward to the future we have. However, there is one slight problem. I cannot stop thinking about my ex. That relationship failed, she cheated on me, and it was full of problems. It's obvious that's where I did not belong, and I love where I am now. I hate this, and so does my fiancee. Please help!!

I am also depressed.
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Philomath Offline
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Re: OCD - July 31st 2014, 10:09 PM

Welcome back to TH!
I am not a mental health professional and it is against the TeenHelp Terms of Service to diagnose any sort of condition. However, from what I know about OCD, I do not believe you have OCD. It sounds like you are having an inward struggle to get over your ex but your life does not sound like it is at a standstill or majorly affected by your thoughts of her.
You can read about OCD here.
I suggest evaluating the possible reasons you may be thinking about her: what was she like, was she hurtful, did you at one point actually love her (so even though you are in a new relationship, you are having a hard time moving that love from her to your fiancé), or do you feel like you hurt her in some way so you are unable to get over how you may have hurt her (meaning, you feel guilty for something you did that you should not feel guilty for or you feel bad the relationship is over (even though there is someone you love more)?
Those are just some things to think about.
I understand how having her on your mind can affect your current relationship and how you are struggling because the other person is not out of your mind and you are determined for things to work out with your fiancé.
It could be helpful to talk about this with a counselor so that they can help you with building your relationship with your fiancé and moving on from your EX.
Hopefully this is helpful and you can message me if you would like someone to talk to.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Paint Offline
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Re: OCD - August 1st 2014, 08:24 PM

Hey there!

As stated above, I'm not a mental health professional either, but from the description you've given us here, it doesn't seem like OCD. However, just because it doesn't look like anything diagnosable to me, doesn't mean it's not important.

These obsessive thoughts sound like they could be due to something unresolved with your previous relationship. Maybe you didn't get the complete closure you needed to get before completely being able to move on. I suggest you figure out what exactly it is about your ex that you cannot stop thinking about. I do understand that getting over the fact that you were cheated on and lied to in your relationship can really make things more difficult - but you need to get to the root of it. Why, after having this beautiful new relationship, is that old one still bothering you?

Try to take it from the top and examine how the entire relationship even was. And I would journal about it. Every time you go to think of her, write down exactly what you're feeling and why you think you're feeling it. I know your fiance must be upset that you're unable to stop thinking about your ex but being open and honest with her will be great for the future of your relationship. You need to show her that no matter what problems come your way, you two can work through it. And this is a test to see if your new relationship can handle all this.

Best of luck. If you want to PM me and dive further into this, maybe we can come up with a solution together. I'm happy to listen to more detail so drop me a message if you find it potentially helpful.

Much love, God bless.
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