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slowly_fading Offline
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So confused - August 21st 2014, 03:59 AM

I'm worried. So I'm having sleeping issues like I did have before I was admitted! Tonight was the first time I have "bad thoughts" in a long time. That last time I had "bad thoughts" was the night I was admitted to the hospital after an attempt.
I just started to ball my eyes out randomly telling myself "I don't want to do this anymore". I was having really bad urges to self-harm but I got through them. After about 15 minutes, I was fine...
I have no idea what happened... I hated that so much!!!

(I ended up telling my mom what happened because I feel really guilty after things like this happens) We talked about it and were going to see how tomorrow goes and that will determine if we call to get an appointment set up sooner then normal.

Last edited by Philomath; August 23rd 2014 at 02:43 AM. Reason: Removed triggering prefix.
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Philomath Offline
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Re: So confused - August 23rd 2014, 02:38 AM


I am sorry you are having these experiences.
It is very challenging to not self-harm when the thoughts come at you and it seems like you cannot stop them but think about what you did yesterday: you did not give into them. Try to remind yourself that you are in control, not the thoughts or anything else.
You mentioned that you talked to your mom and that is great. Keep relying on her for support and guidance. She loves you and wants what is best for you.
I also would like to link to you the Self-Harm Alternatives Thread. If you ever want to hurt yourself, this is a long list of alternatives you can try to help you take your mind off of self harm. Some of them are fun, some are silly and others are really creative and can be very thought-provoking.
I hope this helps and that these thoughts lessen soon.
Take care.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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slowly_fading Offline
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Re: So confused - August 23rd 2014, 03:18 PM

How do I stop the suicidal thoughts? That is what I meant by "bad thoughts". And thank you for the help
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Re: So confused - August 23rd 2014, 06:38 PM

Hello there! I saw your post and thought I might try to help. Sorry in advance if it doesn't really help. You asked about a way to stop suicidal thoughts. In my experience writing in a journal (song writing/poem writing) and going for a walk with headphones help. The writing helps express how your feeling or you could even write things such as "I will not hurt myself in any way or commit suicide". The walking with headphones helps with keep yourself focused on something else such as the music or where your walking. If you have a pet you could walk it would be even better. Just be careful while your walking and try to go with your mom or someone else you trust as it could be potentially dangerous. If these don't work try to do something you personally like doing. Maybe even try doing it with your mother, as sometimes having someone else there can help you. I hope you find my advice helpful and I wish you luck!
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