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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
happyface Offline
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Unhappy What's wrong with me? - August 24th 2014, 10:49 PM

So, lately I've been feeling sad. I don't know why; I don't really have a reason. I'll list some things below, but I really just don't know.

1.This boy at my school liked me and asked me out. I said yes. We were dating for a week, but we didn't talk other than hi once in a while. I knew that he was moving after Marching Band season was over and on the last day I (awkwardly) hugged him. Now I'm finding out that I really do like him and it makes me sad that I'll probably never see him again.

2.I have this friend, I guess you could say. Me and her have been fighting a lot recently and I don't really like her very much, never really did (not to be mean, she's just kinda rude), but now I'm kinda worried about losing her.

3.My best friend is dating this guy that I don't like. I think he's dangerous and that he will get her in trouble. But when I told her that he scares me and makes me uncomfortable, she yelled at me. She said "It's ok, now you'll never have to deal with it again" and didn't answer any messages. I was worried that she had killed herself, even though she didn't, and now I think she's slef-harming.

I'm sorry this is so long. But I would appreciate your help. I really don't know how to deal with this feeling and I just want someone to listen. Thanks.
   
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Adam the Fish Offline
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Re: What's wrong with me? - August 24th 2014, 11:52 PM

Hey. Welcome to the TeenHelp community - we're always here to listen, so please don't worry on that front.

So, first, I'm sorry to hear about the fact that you probably won't be able to see the boy you like again. It's a shame, really, but perhaps inevitable unless you really feel at the stage where you might want to keep things going long-distance (sadly, though, I think that might be unrealistic after a week). Even though you do like him, and I don't want to be too insensitive, I would ask you to remember the saying "there are plenty more fish in the sea". It's true, really, so whilst this might not work out right now, something will in the future, I'm confident. Keep your head up, and I'm sure you'll be able to cope with it.

I can understand where you're coming from with worry about losing your "friend" even if you don't like her much, but actually this could be another case where you might benefit from letting nature run its course. If you don't like someone, then your time, energy, loyalty and friendship may well be better used on someone else whose company you enjoy more. So, if you and this girl are drifting apart, difficult as it might be, take it as an opportunity to make a new friend or two, hopefully friends with whom you'll be happy to spend your time.

Unfortunately, you also can't stop your best friend doing something like dating a guy if she wants to. What you can do is wait it out, and be supportive of her and the fact that it's her choice (regardless of the fact that it's a choice that you don't like); if you've made your concerns known, you're willing to protect her (within reason) and you still want to be loyal then you're being the best friend you can be.

To your question, though, "what's wrong with me?". Well, firstly, I don't really think that "wrong" is probably the most helpful of terms to use to describe yourself. You mentioned that you've been feeling sad, though; that may or may not be partly as a result of some things we can't necessarily assist fully with on TeenHelp, although naturally we're here to support you. I might recommend that you speak to someone you trust (such as a teacher) or a professional (such as a counsellor or therapist) about some of the feelings you're experiencing, and see if they have any particular ideas on what might be causing that, or how you might overcome them.
Of course, it might just be a lot of things going on in your life right now that are causing you stress - so, I'd also suggest that you try your best to make sure you give yourself some time each day to relax. You can do something you enjoy, like reading or listening to music, but just make sure you get some time with yourself to forget all your worries and just wind down a bit.

If you ever need to chat, I'm always available to PM, so please don't hesitate to contact me. I hope you might feel a bit better soon, and that things pick up in the near future.


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Re: What's wrong with me? - August 27th 2014, 01:17 AM

Hi,

Welcome to TH! Do not worry about posting here, we are here to listen and give you advice and support as best as we can.
I agree with Adam that something being "wrong" is not really what is going on here. I am thinking that you are probably feeling sad because of all your changes with friendships.
Adam gave you a lot of great suggestions about how you can handle and view each friendship you mentioned. To what Adam mentioned, I would like to add that people are always changing (especially at your age), it is always a mystery what people will stay consistent and what people, for whatever reason, will drift away do to their own choosing or that chosen for them out of their control (in the case of the guy you like moving).
There are definitely are "more fish in the sea" as Adam also mentioned. I am not sure if this is the first guy you have liked but trust me, you will like many more guys in the future and I am positive you will find the one even if that is not now or your friend that is moving. You do not have to let that friendship end however just because he is moving. If you have social networking such as FaceBook or
Skype, you can talk to each other on a regular basis and if you do not have those websites, you can text or email. There is always a way to keep in contact with someone in this age of technology.
I believe in the case of your last friend, you may have to just let things happen how they happen. It is frustrating to people who believe they are in love or that they are right when they are not, to be told they are wrong. It is also at times, impossible for them to see the danger they may be putting themselves in by associating with the one they "love". Yoru friend may only shee the loving aspects of the relationship and view the not so great aspects as minimal and not really of any concern. If you believe she is hurting herself, do your best to be a person that will listen to her and encourage her to talk to adults in her life that she trusts about anything that is stressing her or causing her upset. Knowing that you care and are willing to listen will help her a lot. If you notice any of her self harm and if it appears she is harmingfrequently or severely, talk to someone you trust and see what help they can offer you. She may not necessarily like that you are telling people what she is doing but she deserves help, support and guidance from adults that care about her and want the best for her.
Lastly, (I know I am replying to your friendships in backwards order), it is not always bad to let go of a friendship. Especially if the relationship is toxic and causing more harm than good to you. There are many people in the world and you will be able to find new friends by joining in school activities, talking to more classmates and growing the friendships you do have that are positive.
I hope this is helpful and that things look up for you soon.
Take care.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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