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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ashleylovesyou Offline
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Unhappy This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 7th 2014, 03:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Sorry for the length, but I REALLY need help.

Basic background: I recently moved across country to live with my dad (didn't see him much growing up, my mom and her family raised me). I love where I'm at! And I do not want to move back. However, my PTSD has been triggered (how, I do not know) and I've been starting to have flashbacks again. Also, multiple doctors believe I have fibromyalgia but I haven't been tested due to the cost. The night before I wake up in pain I usually have a dream that revolves around something causing me pain.

I have also been have night terrors, but the weird thing that's starting to happen now is I'm having flashbacks of my night terrors.

Main Dream (Needing help with): There is this one dream I've had about 6-7 times. It starts out by my step sister getting similar pain to me (she is my closest sibling), she is only ten. She ends up getting diagnosed with this rare form of cancers (which does not exists), that causes pain (similar to mine), can not be treated and is also contagious (I know cancer is not contagious, for the record). Eventually most of the world's populations vanishes until it's me and a handful of researches trying to find the origin, cause, treatments, etc, etc, etc... Only to find out, I never really did have fibromyalgia. My body created this new strain of cancer and I started everything (unknowingly). Then I wake up in the middle of a panic attack, sweating, crying, in A LOT of pain, and it makes the rest of my day emotional.

I do not have this dream back to back. It comes once every few weeks.

The Traumatizing Part: I end up having flashbacks of this dream. I will see someone who may/may not look like someone I am close to, and I see just a dead person, standing there with their eyes closed. And I think I am in the setting of my dream.

So not only do I have flashbacks of rape/abuse/miscarriage... But on top of that I'm seeing dead family and friends everywhere. I feel like I'm going insane, and I don't know what to do!
   
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Re: This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 7th 2014, 07:38 PM

Hi There,

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Flashbacks, night terrors and everything else you are experiencing are very difficult to cope with alone and without the right supports.
Are you currently seeing a therapist or counselor that is helping you cope with your PTSD? If not, it could help for you to go back to counseling where you can talk in detail about what you are experiencing and maybe the counselor can help you figure out why you are experiencing the flashbacks and other symptoms again.
There could be many reasons for this such as you possibly worrying about your abuser finding you or you having some feelings or emotions connected to what happened to you that are somehow triggered by something in your environment.
It can help you to try grounding techniques (some of which you can find on the Self Harm Alternatives thread here. Also you can probably find some great techniques online (to help you until you see your therapist or counselor again or until you can find one you can see regularly).
I hope this helps and that you can get help with this. You definitely deserve to feel safe and secure and to not have memories of your past overwhelming you.
Take care and you can PM me if you would like someone to talk to.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 8th 2014, 05:16 AM

Hey there,

Fibromyalgia is a very painful disorder which is from overactive nerves. It's considered an emotional disorder because it is a response to high levels of stress. Your body has a threshold and there is only so much you can take. After a certain point, your body will begin taking stress out with other ways and Fibromyalgia is one of those. You may find that symptoms come and go at around the same time your stressors do. I have Fibromyalgia and I have found that heat really helps me. For sufferers of this, either heat or cold is said to help. Also, you can purchase bath salts and body washes that are meant to soothe sore joints. I understand why you haven't yet been diagnosed, but if you ever get to the point of being able to afford it or if you're curious as to how it is diagnosed, the doctor moves your joints around and will ask if certain movements hurt. Fibromayalgia has 18 pressure points and to be diagnosed you need to have at least 11.

I think it may help for you to keep a journal by your bed so you can write down your nightmares and keep them for future reference. I can definitely understand why it would affect the rest of your day, but try not to let it get the best of you! Just remind yourself that you're here, you're in the present, you're safe, and everything is going to be okay in the end. When you have a panic attack, focus on your breathing. The alternatives thread Christina suggested for grounding techniques may help you out with flashbacks.

I, too, think seeing a professional would be really beneficial for you. But, if you don't currently want to talk to anyone you can refer to this list of hotlines.

Take care!


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Re: This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 8th 2014, 07:00 AM

I am planning on making an appointment with a therapist either this week or next. I keep procrastinating because I never have the energy to do so. The heat helps, I moved from MI to NV because of this reason. However, bathes/hot tubs only seem to be a temporary solution. When I am done, and have to get dressed the pain comes back.

I only know of one thing that I'm truly worried about but its never apart of my dream. I am worried that my sisters/cousins that are younger than me will have to experiences rape/abuse/miscarriage because with the size of my family, statistically speaking, at least one will go through it. Other than that, I have forgiven my abuser with the help of an old psychiatrist.

I've have been writing down my dreams to see if there is a connection but I have yet to find one other than blood. I know it sounds weird, but all of my "bad dreams" have blood in them. Gory stuff doesn't bother me, but these dreams are beyond gory and so vivid.

Any idea why I'm seeing things from my dreams in reality?

I feel so lost, and have no idea how to "fix" this. I just want it all to stop.
   
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Re: This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 8th 2014, 02:25 PM

I'm glad you're planning on seeing a therapist!

You might want to invest on a heated blanket, especially for the winter! They're amazing () and they can definitely ease some of your pain. You can also try heat wraps from your pharmacy. Unforunately, a lot of those are temporary. I know you mentioned that the financial aspect is a problem, but, in the future, I suggest seeing a Rheumatologist who can give you a referral for physical therapy. I haven't tried it but a lot of people have said that it's very helpful. I know exercise seems painful sometimes but that's something that the doctor will recommend and I suggest walking or jogging for just a few minutes each day to decrease the pain.

It's good to hear that you were in a place in your life where you felt like you could forgive your abuser. I can understand the fear you have for your cousins and sisters and if they are of a certain age, maybe you can talk to them about being careful while out. But, remember, as false as it may seem, there definitely are some good people out there who will treat you, your sisters, and cousins in the way all of you deserve to be treated.

As for why you are seeing things from your dreams in reality, I'm not sure. Maybe you're thinking about the dreams to much? Regardless, definitely bring this up with your therapist.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
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They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Ashleylovesyou Offline
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Re: This Dream Is Traumatizing!! Help - September 8th 2014, 10:04 PM

I do yoga every morning, and about an hour before I lay down. It helps me long term wise. Thanks for the advice!
   
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