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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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I can't make decisions - November 12th 2014, 01:59 AM

Not even the easiest of all fricking decisions.

Long story short, I've never been any good at decision making. I always felt like whatever I chose would be a terrible decision, and the one I didn't choose would always be the best.
I go back and forth, weighing out the details of each choice, that I forget which one I really want in the first place.
I think I especially struggle with the balance of pleasing others in my decisions with pleasing myself.

One of the most common dilemmas I face is when my family is going out to run errands/going to one of my brother's many sports games/going to pick something up to eat. And I have to choose whether to go or stay home. I know my parents don't particularly like when I stay home by myself, simply because "i'm a teenager", and that apparently makes them lose all trust in me.
But sometimes I have a crapload of homework, and they still try to convince me to come. Sometimes I want some time to myself. Sometimes I just freaking don't feel like going outside.
And yet... 7 out of 10 times, I end up going with them.

But here's the thing..
When I go run errands with them, I hate my decision and feel stupid, and I wish I was back at home.
But when I stay home, I hate my decision and feel bad, and I wish I was with them.

This literally happened just a few minutes ago, and I went back and forth, saying I'd go and I wouldn't go multiple times, just like I usually do. I often have to consult some family members to ask what I should do.
And when I had made my "final" decision to go with them, I immediately knew it was the wrong one, and changed my mind last minute. (I have a lot of homework tonight, I can't spend hours out on the town, when everything is due tomorrow. )
Even though I was safe inside the house, watching my family drive away, I could almost hear them complaining about me and rolling their eyes at how I make a big effing deal out of every decision.
And now, I feel as if I've made the wrong decision, once again.

That's why I'm here, at home, crying as I type this.

What in the world is wrong with me?? This isn't fricking normal, I know that for sure.
But when I Google anything about it, nothing comes up except for "stress" or "hormones". Please, I've had this problem my entire life. Long before the little seven-year-old version of me even knew what stress or hormones were.


So.. yeah, I don't know. I just... I can never make the right decision.
And even if it is the "right" decision..
it's still just
wrong?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: I can't make decisions - November 12th 2014, 03:20 AM

One of my largest struggles is being indecisive. Even with small, everyday decisions I take forever to weigh the consequences! So, you're not alone in this.

It's likely that you are nervous about something regarding each option you have; perhaps the outcome of either option? Think about when you have to choose whether or not to run errands with everyone else, for example. Say you're nervous about being unhappy in your choice to tag along or stay home. Think about how you would cope with each of those, and also remember that there will be plenty of other times when you can choose the opposite option if you're unhappy with the one you've chosen. I think it'll help if you set some limits - such as time limits regarding how long you will allow yourself to make a decision. And, by that point you can finally ask yourself what you'd rather choose, and you can go with that. You can also practice with smaller decisions, like what subject to study first and so forth. Also, you may benefit from asking yourself whether the decision you will make matters days, or weeks into the future.


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Re: I can't make decisions - November 12th 2014, 03:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
One of my largest struggles is being indecisive. Even with small, everyday decisions I take forever to weigh the consequences! So, you're not alone in this.

It's likely that you are nervous about something regarding each option you have; perhaps the outcome of either option? Think about when you have to choose whether or not to run errands with everyone else, for example. Say you're nervous about being unhappy in your choice to tag along or stay home. Think about how you would cope with each of those, and also remember that there will be plenty of other times when you can choose the opposite option if you're unhappy with the one you've chosen. I think it'll help if you set some limits - such as time limits regarding how long you will allow yourself to make a decision. And, by that point you can finally ask yourself what you'd rather choose, and you can go with that. You can also practice with smaller decisions, like what subject to study first and so forth. Also, you may benefit from asking yourself whether the decision you will make matters days, or weeks into the future.
Thank you so much for the advice. ;u; I'll be sure to keep these in mind the next time something like this comes up. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I was beginning to question my sanity.


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Re: I can't make decisions - November 13th 2014, 02:40 AM

I struggle with indecisiveness as well! I think Cassie's ideas are great. I'd use a time limit. Also try thinking about whether you will really get the work done if you stayed at home. Sometimes you just need a break and going outside can help you focus once you come home. Growing up, I was invited to various places with my cousins but I always struggled with finishing my homework (I'm really slow at homework). I had to go because my dad didn't want me staying home alone as a kid. I would be so nervous while I'm there and so anxious to come home and start. Somehow being away from homework allowed me to focus once I came home, even if it was later in the evening. However, if you have a lot to do then think about your priorities. Also if your family is the type to say they'll spend x amount of time someplace but really spend a lot more time, then you would want to think about how much time you can truly spend outside.
   
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