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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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zdotson Offline
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Lost in life - December 8th 2014, 01:59 AM

I don't know what to do any more. Since a child ive always had social anxiety problems. As i started to get older the symptoms become much worse. I am 18, almost 19 now and i dont know what to do with my life. Ive seen multiple different psychiatrists and therapists for most of my life and its not helping. its got to the point where i cant even hold a job anymore. Im always in a state of panic, but its always much worse when i leave my house. Whether its walking down the street to a local store, or driving to a job nearly an hour away, i can barely function in public. Ive tried numerous types of medications. So im living at home with my parents. I dont go outside because if i do i feel absolutely terrible and it only worsens everything. Ive developed major depression over the years because of my anxiety limiting me, i feel worthless and hopeless and that i cant do anything with my life so id be better off dead. Its getting worse now because my parents are hurting for money and they are spending so much on me to get help. prescriptions, co pays, gas to travel to appointments weekly. they argue about money so much it just makes me want to end my pathetic existence on this planet and do some good for the rest of society. A friend of mine told me i should file for SSI and disability, and as i looked into it, i have NO idea how to do any of that. I feel so lost, no where to go, trapped in the moment. No plan, no goal, no anything. Do i even qualify for SSI? i dont know what to do and obviously im pretty desperate because im coming to an online forum for advice. I just want a path. Im so far off course and it might be the end of me soon.
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Lost in life - December 8th 2014, 08:19 PM

Hey there,

Sorry to hear that you have had anxiety since childhood and different medications and therapies havenít worked. Do you think itís worth continuing to look for support with medication and therapy?

From what you have said, it sounds like you may have agoraphobia, which can make it difficult leaving the house as you feel you will panic. If you continue to seek for support it may be worth mentioning that you find it worse when you leave the house.

To deal with it, could you try just standing on your doorstep, or in your garden, if you have one? Just try to get used to being outside. You may also find exposure therapy helpful, that is, starting with small steps to lead up to your goal. For example, your first small step would be just stand outside for a few minutes and try to calm down. Then you would increase that time. Your ultimate goal could be to be outside and travel around without feeling anxious. Itís best to do it regularly to help you get you used to it. Doing breathing exercises and mindfulness can also help you to calm down.

It is also very common, once we avoid what makes us anxious, to become depressed. Your parents wants whatís best for you. Even though they may argue about money, they do love you, and itís not worth ending your life over. If you ever feel suicidal, it may help checking out our hotlines.

You say that you have no plans and no goals, but would you be open with the idea of distance/online learning? You could find something that you are interested in, and undertake studies from the comfort of your own home, whilst you find ways of managing your anxiety and depression. Perhaps you could just write down whatever you like or are interested in, or imagine what type of life you would like to have without the anxiety and depression. What would you like to do? When you have thought of something, you can start to plan how you would go about achieving it.

You could talk to your parents about SSI and see what they think. Itís always worth applying, and you wonít know if you qualify for it unless you apply. I also think that just talking to your parents and friends, and other people you trust in your life can help with your depression. You could also try writing down your feelings, drawing, singing, dancing etc. to help express your emotions.

Hope I helped a bit

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Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3

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Philomath Offline
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Re: Lost in life - December 9th 2014, 12:07 AM

Hi There,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with all of this.
Anxiety an be very debilitating particularly if medications and therapy are not seeming helpful however there is help for you and you can get support.
I agree with the idea of exposure therapy. It sounds really scary but if you have family that is supportive of you (as it sounds your parents are) them helping out could make things a lot easier. Here is a link to a rather informative Wikipedia article about Exposure Therapy
In regards to receiving SSI, it can be a very tricky process to apply and get accepted for the benefits. You will need medical proof from a mental health professional that can support the need for financial support as well as to show that your life is significantly affected to the point of not being able to have a long-term job (which it sounds like you would fit those descriptions). I suggest you browse the Social Security website to see what support there is for people with mental illness. It also may help to receive medicaid along with SSI if you apply: medicaid is a government funded program that gives medical support to low-income people or those with disabilities receiving SSI and having it could significantly reduce your families medical expenses in terms of paying for medical care.
Keep in mind that in order to receive SSI you must report the total amount of income that is received by everyone in your household and if in combination the in come of both of your parents exceeds the limit allowed you may have a harder time receiving SSI. It can help to find a legal professional that specializes in helping those with disabilities receive SSDI or SSI because they will know how to help you legally and with the process.
If you feel comfortable, you could call your local SSI office. The best times to call (I know from my own experience and they mention this on their automated system) are later in the week: Thursday or Friday.
I hope this helps and that things improve for you soon.
Take care and you are not alone. It will take time but anxiety is treatable and you can live life without it. Keep staying strong and check out the hotlines if you need someone to talk to.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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