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juniorsyko Offline
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Name: Matthew
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Confidence Shy - Any Advice? - March 8th 2015, 11:33 PM

So, for the past two years I've been really confidence shy. I like my friends and they wouldn't guess it, as I'm quite a bubbly character, and most of the time, aren't bad with body language. I've been suffering with inner demons however, and I've been feeling bad most of the time. Everyday is a struggle, and I struggle to get on with day to day life (not in terms of my body language but inside, I just have no motivation with life at the moment. I feel distanced from people like me and feel slightly alone with everything I do.

I love watching films, but recently have watched family films and ones with happy endings or good relationships between friends and gf/bfs. I just wish I could be in their position, it just doesn't feel right, but I can't talk to people or let them know how I feel I really struggle. I don't know enough people and my confidence is non existent. I am nearly 20 now, and haven't had a relationship in over 5 years, and never anything serious/sexual. I feel distanced, but I don't ever feel like I will get over this anxiety. I can't continue like this :/ I just don't know what to do. I really need to meet someone, where theres no pressure from friends, or society, with someone I really get on with, and that won't judge me in a fragile state Has anyone experienced something similar? What can I do?
   
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Re: Confidence Shy - Any Advice? - March 18th 2015, 05:01 PM

Hey Matthew,

I think I understand how you feel.

Shyness can make people act in a variety of different ways; some may avoid social situations and otherís might put on a face and pretend to be bubbly, even if they arenít feeling that way.

When you pretend to be bubbly, you might feel like you have to live up to that image, and hide your feelings. Part of the Ďdistanceí you might be feeling might be because you feel you canít tell your friends about how you truly feel. Telling people how you truly feel involves both trust that you feel the other people will listen to you and not judge you, and also confidence in yourself.

To build up trust, start with something small that you could tell your friends. It doesnít have to be something that you feel bad about, it could be something simple that they donít know about you. Then, after you have trusted your friends with something small, you could try bigger things. After a while, you will feel more comfortable with being yourself and being able to trust others more.

As for confidence, try to remember your positive qualities and focus on them. What do you like about yourself? What talents do you have? What are you proud of? Then whenever you feel less confident, try remembering these things.

Dealing with anxiety can be hard. But try to remember to be yourself. People should accept who you are, and not try to change that. People should treat you respectfully, even if they donít like you and a lot of the time, when we fear that others donít like us, itís usually just in our heads.

Having no motivation can be a struggle and can make you feel more alone. Try breaking tasks down into small steps and try to complete them instead of doing things all in one go. Remember to reward yourself, when you achieve things.

It can be hard when you struggle with feelings and feel like you donít have anyone to talk to. It might help for you to write your feelings down, or be creative and express them in some other way such as poetry, drawing etc. Some people also find that the best way to overcome isolation is to practice being social. Do you have a job or are you in education? Perhaps reaching out to others and going to social events and challenging yourself to talk to other, and remembering to be yourself, might help. You could also try telling someone you trust about how you feel, perhaps a trusted relative?

If you still struggle, perhaps you could go to your doctor and chat to them about maybe having counselling?

Take care


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