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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Astar Offline
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Age: 21
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Unhappy I'm so scared but feel so guilty - March 18th 2015, 09:34 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I thought it should go in here not anixety...
These stupid panic attacks are ruining my life!! I'm pushing everyone away and I hate myself for it. I'm so scared to even go into school cos there's to many people and I can barely make it through lessons without getting attack symptoms. After an attack I feel even worse than during it cos I feel so guilty that I've ruined my friends good times. I can't keep up with anything this is also stressing me out and making the attacks and permanet anxiety even worse and I'm always shouting at people. My friends don't deserve to put with it, there lovely people but they don't understand. I feel like I'm scared of everyone and act like I hate everyone and I can't change! I'm terrified!! I hate being with loads of people but I don't want to upset anyonee I just want to act normal. I feel upset almost all the time and often cut just cos I deserve it.I'm horrible to other people not on purpose but I think I offend people and idk why. I can't tell anyone cos it sounds stupid, my mates know I'm scared but they don't understand why I'm always upset. Its cos of them!! I care about them so much, but I've let them them down cos I've made them worried when we all have enough to worry about (exams) I really hate this! I can't help it but I'm horrible after the attacks I often shout at my friends or just ignore them or delibratly annoy them just to make out like I'm 'normal' again and I don't think I can change! The more I think about it that more I want to hurt myself cos in the long run it will better cos they won't have a person who acts mental to have to be nice to!! My attacks are getting worse and I'm always upset. I'm so scared to lose my friends but they don't deserve me. I think the main thing is I've let them down. I've made them sad, they haven't been able to do things they wanted to, they haven't been able to show there own feeling or talk about their problems s they had to confort me! I can't help being like this and I'd give anything not to!!! I hate myself for being selfish and taking the attention not on purpose but it still unfair! But I want to get better, and change and be a real friends and person and not just a complete mess!!!!! Maybe its better if I'm not around at least I can't hurt people then!... Help!!

I can do it and I can get through it. So can you xx
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Bluetears Offline
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Name: Crystal
Gender: Questioning
Location: The corner of sadness and yet love

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Re: I'm so scared but feel so guilty - March 19th 2015, 08:09 PM

Hey c: I won't say I know how you feel, but I want you to know that people love and care about you so much. You are a miracle m'dear. You survived childbirth, meaning you are supposed to be here. "Whatever life throws at you, you are strong enough to get through it. Life's fair like that." It might not seem true right now, but it's the truth. Maybe to help with your anxiety, you could get a stress ball and squeeze it? Possibly take deep long breaths whilst doing it? I'm not really sure how to deal with anxiety, but I want you to know you can always message me if you want someone to talk to. I promise I won't judge you, no matter what the problem is. Love you, stay strong dear <3 Maybe you could take a piece of paper, and when you are in a good mood, write down all of you family members and friends. Stick it somewhere safe, and when you are having an attack take a look at it. That helps me. And if it's during class, maybe ask your teacher if you can quickly take a break to calm down from your anxiety? Again, I love you, stay strong <3
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