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Sophrosyne Offline
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Doctors referral - July 15th 2015, 12:14 PM

I don't know where to put this so if its in the wrong place feel free to move it.

This is more of a 'I need to just let this out' thing so you don't have to read it but anyway.
Ok so I mentioned before I was going to go see a counsellor for everything, I said before. Well today I went to the doctors to get a referral for going to the counsellor just so the government has to pay instead if a doctor refers you. It was a pretty standard thing that they do. They make you fill out a form, like a question and answer thing, mark you on your results and then ask you questions based on your results. Well the first thing they told me based on the test and the questions they asked me was that I have adjustment disorder as well as depression so now I actually have been told by a doctor this. I had to google adjustment disorder though. That one explains a lot actually but that's getting off topic. The thing is that before it started they asked if I wanted my mum in the room while the doctor was talking to me, I said no which I was later pretty happy about because after the test, she did the whole questions thing and was asking if I had ever wanted to hurt myself and try to kill myself and stuff like that. I said yes to the hurting bit, so she asks how. Now everytime someone goes near that topic I freak out, I don't even know why, but I told her I just want to hit my head against a wall. Well she didn't fall for it, she asked if I ever cut myself and very slowly I say yes, because she is also my mums doctor and I got worried that she might tell her, which she later assured me she wouldn't tell her anything that I said. I didn't want to lie, but I did. She asked if I had ever tried to kill myself and if I thought about it. I said no that I hadn't but I have. Several times. I just didn't want that much to be told. Although I did think about the answer for a while deciding whether to lie or not. I said I thought about dying though. Oh and she asked if I eat enough and I'm like, 'How much is enough?' Apparently eating only dinner isn't enough. She was a bit curious as to why. I'm 'too lazy' officially. I don't like eating, she just doesn't need to know that. Also the fact I miss dinner a lot too is unimportant at this stage. Apparently I stress too much, which is hardly surprising. On the question sheet I also lessened the truth a bit when it asked several questions basically all saying do you feel hopeless and everything else along those lines. Yes I do. A lot. Most of the time. But I put sometimes because I didn't want her to think anything less of me, I see her enough already. Stupid I know. And there was a lot of questions based around that too so it was like I basically lied on the whole sheet. My mum later asked if she could have been there for the chat because I hadn't been sure about making her leave but I did just in case, I said no. I really don't want her finding out half of that stuff. I mean she probably will eventually but I think I'll wait a while for that to happen thank you very much. But I'm seeing a counsellor in about a month. Just to let you know.

Well this was basically a waste of a post and if you read sorry to waste your time, I just had to get the meeting out somehow. It was playing on my mind about how freaked I was and I had to tell someone. You don't have to reply or anything. Just a random post here. Haha.

On the other hand.... ONE MONTH FREEEEEEEEE YAY. I finally made it. Even though I've been trying really hard to restrain the thoughts of doing it again all day. Really hard but I made it. As of about 4 hours ago.
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Re: Doctors referral - July 15th 2015, 09:44 PM

This isn't a waste of a post at all, I read it and I was very interested in hearing how things went. It didn't waste my time at all, okay? What's going on with you and what you're going through matters too. You had posted about looking into seeing a counselor in the past and I had wondered how it was going for you, so thank you for posting this thread and letting us know how it went in getting a referral. I hope you also do the same when you see the counselor!

The form you had to fill out and the questions you were asked could understandably be scary to answer and I can see why you would answer some of them in untruthful ways, but being honest is really important. Plus, it'd help you to get the best help possible if they knew just what you were struggling with. Is there a way you can fill out the forms again, and also speak to your doctor again when you feel you're ready? They reassured you that it'd be confidential. Also, your thoughts aren't stupid, but I highly doubt she'd think of you any less. Many people struggle with these issues, but none of it makes you less of a person.

As for your mom, it's so nice that she understood about you wanting privacy with the doctor. I understand about not being ready to tell her about some of the things you're going through, but I hope you're able to talk to her soon because I'm sure she'd be happy to be there for you. Plus, you deserve the support from your mom and generally just having someone close to you there for you.

Part of this process and counseling in general could be really beneficial, and it could help to figure out reasons behind why you feel some of the things you do, such as your adjustment disorder for instance. And also to have some help with the things you're struggling with. I'm really glad you're doing this - you're courageous to have the strength to reach out. I understand it couldn't have been easy for you.

One month self-harm free is amazing! You should be very proud of yourself, that's a huge accomplishment especially as you've had a lot of thoughts about self-harming, but you held on. You're quite strong and this shows you can recover because you have the strength to do so. I hope you continue having many more self-harm free days.

Hope everything goes well, Hilary! Best of luck. Take care and keep us updated, you're welcome to post anytime.
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Re: Doctors referral - July 19th 2015, 08:10 AM

Thanks I can't take the test again but I can tell the counsellor what I lied about. At the moment too many things are happening making it really hard to keep going but I'll survive. Hope you're going well too Ellie.
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