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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Oregano Offline
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Was it real? - May 6th 2017, 11:20 AM

I was diagnosed with a mild case of schizophrenia ages and ages ago, but never gotten any treatment for it because I was scared of doctors and still are. I need medication but I'm paranoid. Paranoid about everything medical related.

I'm not sure what I felt or saw or heard last night was real. I don't know if it was a dream or it actually happened. It's been driving me nuts all day. I do remember waking up several times during the night but this morning I found scissors under my pillow and I do not remember having it or putting it there. I don't know how to explain how I felt or what I saw or heard. I don't even know if it was real, I don't know how to write it down.

I don't know what to to.



I feel like I'm just rambling on and no one is going to believe me


breathe. it's just a bad day, not a bad life.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: Was it real? - May 7th 2017, 12:16 PM

You're not rambling. Schizophrenia aside, it can be really scary when we don't know if we are dreaming or not or go through other sleep related issues. Having schizophrenia understandably makes things harder for you.

Have you had similar experiences in the past, or is this the first time it's happened? The problem with sleep is that it can be disorientating at times and some people may act out their dreams (which could be one explanation for finding scissors under your pillow). Am wondering whether you have been stressed lately or feeling a bit sleep deprived? If not, then it may be related more to the schizophrenia, perhaps.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have paranoid schizophrenia but I do understand that it must be hard to trust doctors and medication when you are feeling paranoid. Perhaps you can talk about this with someone you trust and ask them to go to the doctors with you to find out about medication? I understand that it must feel daunting for you, but taking things in little steps may help, so even if you aren't put on medication straight away, you can find out more information first, if that helps at all. Doctors or psychiatrists should understand that with paranoid schizophrenia you are more likely to be scared about medication and medical related issues so hopefully they can try to keep things calm and discuss things and any worries you may have.


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Re: Was it real? - May 7th 2017, 01:42 PM

You are not rambiling! Don't ever feel afraid to reach out to us on the forums, or take advantage of HelpLINK or LiveHelp whenever you feel the need to. We're here for you.

It can be scary to have an event occur and us not remember anything about it, even when there is solid evidence of something having taken place. Has this happened in the past? Maybe it would help to write it down and present it to a licensed professional, such as a counselor or a doctor? It's important to reach out to such individuals during this time, so you can get treated for your diagnosis. They are not going to judge you based on your diagnosis, they are going to come up with a treatment plan so it'll be easier for you live life with what you have.

I know you said you're scared of doctors, but perhaps reach out to friends or family members who have had experience with doctors that can tell you it's not all that scary. Having schizophrenia and episodes you can't remember is probably the scariest part of everything. Don't be afraid to reach out to those around you for support during this time.
   
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Re: Was it real? - May 8th 2017, 06:37 AM

Thank you for writing.

That does sound scary!

Maybe, and this is just a wild guess, but maybe during the night, you were scared, so you grabbed a pair of scissors and put them under your pillow for protection, and went back to sleep, and when you awoke you had no memory of doing that, and you found the scissors there. ó Just a guess.

Anyway thank you for sharing. I hope sharing helps.




I remember a doctor said schizophrenia and paranoia go hand in hand. It's what makes it so difficult to treat.

Actually it's easy to treat. It's just difficult getting the patient to see the doctor and take their medication, because they don't trust their doctor, or they don't think they need any medication because they don't think anything is wrong.

I'm not schizophrenic myself. The closest experience I've had is when I was so depressed I was just getting this constant "Everythings Wrong!" emotion, so I knew my emotions were useless, I'll just have to ignore them and figure out everything logically, which turned out to be not as easy as I thought. I had to stop driving my car, because even though I was pretty sure a green light meant "Go", I still had this nagging "Everything's Wrong!" feeling, so I was never quite sure, and I knew I only had to screw it up once to crash my car.

I guess the difference is I was begging my doctor for medicine, knowing my emotions were wrong, whereas with paranoia, that's a very deep basic emotion designed to save your life, and it's very hard to override that, no matter how well you know it's wrong, the midbrain where paranoia comes from is going to tell the forebrain where rational thought comes from, "I don't care how smart you are, I'm feeling this is a matter of life and death, and I'm not going to let you override me!"

(Ironic the midbrain's paranoia won't allow it to take the medication that will help with it's irrational paranoia.)

Is there anything else that helps with the paranoia that the midbrain will allow? Meditation? Yoga? Qi-Gong? Tai-Chi?

Yea I don't really have any answers for that.

I think traditional methods are peer support groups where you meet other people who have similar issues so they all accept you and you realize you are not the only one and that makes everyone feel better.

Best wishes! Thank you for sharing!

   
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Re: Was it real? - May 11th 2017, 08:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celyn View Post
You're not rambling. Schizophrenia aside, it can be really scary when we don't know if we are dreaming or not or go through other sleep related issues. Having schizophrenia understandably makes things harder for you.

Have you had similar experiences in the past, or is this the first time it's happened? The problem with sleep is that it can be disorientating at times and some people may act out their dreams (which could be one explanation for finding scissors under your pillow). Am wondering whether you have been stressed lately or feeling a bit sleep deprived? If not, then it may be related more to the schizophrenia, perhaps.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have paranoid schizophrenia but I do understand that it must be hard to trust doctors and medication when you are feeling paranoid. Perhaps you can talk about this with someone you trust and ask them to go to the doctors with you to find out about medication? I understand that it must feel daunting for you, but taking things in little steps may help, so even if you aren't put on medication straight away, you can find out more information first, if that helps at all. Doctors or psychiatrists should understand that with paranoid schizophrenia you are more likely to be scared about medication and medical related issues so hopefully they can try to keep things calm and discuss things and any worries you may have.
I've had similar experiences happened in the past and I've had about more than ten experiences and they're honestly very scary. I have insomnia so there are nights when I don't have any sleep, but I also have CFS - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and those two together is a constant battle whether to stay awake for three days or sleep for a week.

I emailed a help centre the other day asking for help and explaining how I've been feeling and the situation with the scissors and I haven't heard anything back, which makes me feel anxious bc I don't know if they've received it or not. I do hope to hear from them, I'll slowly build up my courage to see a doctor soon.


breathe. it's just a bad day, not a bad life.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Was it real? - May 12th 2017, 08:23 PM

I can imagine those experiences would be very scary and it must be very difficult trying to deal with insomnia and chronic fatigue. Must be very tiring and disorientating for you!

You are making positive steps emailing the help centre. I hope you hear back from them. I know some places may take a while to get back at times, but hopefully they did receive your email and will respond soon. It's also good to hear that you'll build up your courage to see a doctor soon. I get anxious in general with doctors, but it's really not as bad as you think. We are all here for you too


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Re: Was it real? - May 19th 2017, 01:08 PM

This happens to me fairly regularly minus the getting up part. I also haven't really gotten help so I can't give you any good advice there.


he couldn't believe how easy it was
he put the gun into his face
bang!
(so much blood from such a tiny little hole)

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a lifetime of fucking things up fixed in one determined flash

everything's blue
in this world
the deepest shade of mushroom blue
all fuzzy
spilling out of my head
   
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