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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Daf Offline
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I've lied about everything - August 24th 2017, 02:53 PM

It's been 2 months since I last spoke to basically the only real friend I have left. I promised and stated that I would visit the doctors regarding my mental health, but I didn't. I don't have the confidence to bring it up and my parents don't have a great attitude towards people with mental health problems. Now that I have my GCSE results and I may not even be going to the same school as my friend because of poor results, my mental health can't be taken into consideration because I never visited the doctor while I sat my exams, though the school were aware of what I am like. I don't know what to do. I want to tell the truth but I don't want to anger/disappoint them. There's a lot I've done wrong with my life and a lot wrong with myself as a whole.

I appreciate any advice given.
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Re: I've lied about everything - August 25th 2017, 11:39 AM

Hey there,

When it comes to mental health issues, I think it's best to avoid promises sometimes. When we are struggling, it's easy to say the words 'I promise to go to the doctors and get help' but much harder to follow through. And then not keeping a promise, can make you feel worse. How would you feel opening up to your friend that you didn't go to the doctors and feel bad about it, but also that your parents aren't very understanding of mental health? Maybe your friend might be understanding that it was a difficult situation for you to be in. At the same time, it may be worth trying to explain to your parents how you feel, and/or printing things off from the internet to counteract any misconceptions they might have about mental health e.g. teenagers can't get depression(when it's possible for anyone at any age to get depression). Since you are 16, you may be able to book an appointment and see a doctor by yourself. I understand that it can be a scary thing to do, so you may want to consider asking your friend if they would mind going with you and perhaps waiting in the reception area for you.

You mention that the school were aware of what you were like, and perhaps this may go in your favour? It doesn't matter whether or not you went to the doctors, if you are struggling then the school should try to meet your needs. Whether you remain in that school or go somewhere else, you may want to consider talking to the school counsellor or student support services. You don't have to be diagnosed in order to get help, and this would be one way around it.

When we struggle with mental health, it can be natural for other areas of our life to suffer as well e.g. exam results. Though you can't change the past or your results, you can make goals to get help for your struggles so that you can achieve your potential. There is always the chance of resitting some exams as well, so all is not lost!

Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and everyone has their own struggles. That doesn't mean that there is 'a lot wrong' with you. It would be great if you could open up to people and let them know that you are struggling but want help. No-one here can say for sure how others will react, but remember that if anyone seems angry or disappointed, that this is more to do with them, and perhaps not understanding mental health so much, than it is to do with you.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I've lied about everything - August 25th 2017, 08:27 PM

Thank you for the reply,

I've been trying to get the courage to finally talk to my friend about this. I will try and arrange to talk to them at some point (I'd rather meet up, I don't feel comfortable just talking via text message). I would be fine with going to the doctors by myself but I just worry about confidentiality. I have history of self-harm and I don't want them to discover that.

It's also the fact that I didn't just lie by promising I would go, it's that I lied about me actually going, which makes me feel worse.

Last edited by Daf; August 25th 2017 at 09:03 PM.
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del677 Offline
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Re: I've lied about everything - August 27th 2017, 06:43 AM

Your parents aren't supportive? That's a bummer! You'd probably do much better in school if you got the proper treatment for this medical problem. Parents are actually making things worse by insisting no one be sick!

Oh well the good news is whenever you actually do get the right medical treatment, then you'll be able to do better in school. You can always learn whatever you want at any age.

Are you able to visit your doctor on any pretext? Like "I don't feel well, think I need to go see my doctor." Then if you can have time alone with your doctor, without your helicopter parents hovering around you, then you can tell him/her about your mental health problems. A good general purpose doctor should know enough about it to either prescribe you some medication to try, or refer you to a specialist.

You can tell the doctor about your concerns with your parents attitude towards this. He may be able to keep them out of it and just treat you.

It is kind of hard to bring up something that seems like an embarrassing defect about us, even to a doctor, even though it's what doctors are for. (Heck if all they did was see patients who are perfectly healthy they wouldn't really be doctors.) I have that problem right now admitting I have a disorder and simply wanting to not have it isn't going to help. I'd like to be normal like everyone else but I'm not. Still haven't figured out if I really want to be who I am, or just pretend to be normal.

It may be helpful to bring a friend who understands, is one option.

Another good cognitive frame to adopt is to think of yourself as a person who has a problem, rather than someone who is the problem. Big difference between having a problem, and being the problem. As long as you have a problem, the problem can be addressed. But if you are the problem, then there's nothing that can be done about it.

OK that's all I can think of! Best wishes!
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