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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Oh, Bother Offline
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don't like myself. - October 30th 2017, 07:26 PM

This might belong in eating disorder section and if it does please move it there.

So ever since I was little I have never liked the way I looked or liked myself as a person. I have always had really bad self-esteem and when I say bad I mean i have none. I started self-harming at the age of five. I have just reached 6 months cut free. I have also been losing weight the healthy way instead of purging or restricting. I am on weight watchers and I have lost weight. I usually never eat all my points and sometimes I still have like 15 points left but I don't do it on purpose. Even though the scale says I have lost weight when I look in the mirror I look a lot fatter then when I wasn't losing weight. I just don't know how to make all this self-esteem stuff go away. Like how do you guys deal with low self-esteem? I just need some advice on this. But please do not tell me to look in the mirror and say five things I like about myself, that doesn't work because I try to avoid mirrors.



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Re: don't like myself. - October 30th 2017, 10:16 PM

I hope you end up getting some decent answers to this. I, personally, have really low self esteem and I have not found a way to really combat it. In situations where I need to come off confident, for example, in the work place or on an interview, I just fake it. I act the way I think the people I am interviewing/working for would want.

However, in every day life, I don't really know how to make it better. I have heard that 'faking it till you make it' can help. I believe that is true for some people and it works for me in certain settings. But, overall it doesn't accomplish much.

I will sometimes try and dress in an outfit that makes me 'feel' pretty and that helps. Lately, I have been wearing lipstick because I feel pretty with it on. I don't wear much else because I don't like too. I have heard from other people who have low self esteem, that they do similar things. Just, try and do things that make them feel pretty.


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Re: don't like myself. - October 31st 2017, 09:31 AM

Thank you for mentioning the mirror effect. I have always found that fascinating, how one can look in the mirror and not see what everyone else is seeing.

(Gee I've just been reading Halloween stuff and this is kind of like that!)

People base their self-esteem on one of 4 different things:
  1. Physical Performance
  2. Being Dependable
  3. Being Competent
  4. Being Authentic
Usually it's one of those 4 things. It depends on the person which one it is.

The weight issue I'm going to side step for now, as I'm not clear on where you are. Hopefully you have a doctor helping with that.

The self-esteem issue might be easier to tackle. Though you mention you started at 5 years. That's really young! I do hope you have a doctor.

Let's see. Well, I don't know about you, but other people often find joy in doing something they like doing, some project they enjoy, or being in a group of people who accept them, where it's not stressful, and everyone is totally accepting. Some people join support groups, or talk with a therapist, or go golfing, or surfing, or mountain climbing, or just walking. Exercise is good. Some people take up long distance running, as they find the extra exercise makes them feel good. Some people find religion helps them, or creating some sort of spritual life. Some people like reading books, or working on a computer, or playing sports.

Sunlight can be helpful. Try spending 20 minutes outside in the sun every day. These are things which don't directly make one instantly happy; instead they are things which if done repeatedly over time can lead to slow changes towards a more happy brain configuration and the person just slowly becomes more happy. You probably won't notice a change at first, for the first two weeks. After two weeks you might start to notice a change.

Possibly establishing a routine where one stands in the sunlight for 20 minutes every day, and just basks in the sunlight, putting everything else aside. Call it sun worship if you want. Call it medicine. The idea though is not to use that time to think, but to instead use that time to focus on the present moment and just observe. (So it's a kind of meditation thing, or "Mindfulness" thing.)

It works even better if one can do it in a small group of people who are completely accepting of you, so you don't worry about if they like you or not.

How do I deal with low self-esteem? I rant and rave and bitch and complain, in a letter to someone, or on a forum, or in a support group. People listen, and for some unknown reason I feel better afterwards, even though no one responds to my rant or tries to fix me. They just listen, because somehow it's the listening itself that is the cure.

I rant about how I have low self-esteem, how I don't like myself, how my future will probably be horrible, and afterwards, it doesn't seem so bad. There's something about that listening group magic that works. I guess that's why they keep these groups going. And when I'm not depressed or down, I go to the group anyway, even if I don't say anything, because I listen, and I know listening is helping other people.

Congratulations on achieving 6 months! That is something to celebrate, or at least acknowledge. Ideally there's no desire at all to do that. The thought just never comes up, and if it does, it doesn't sound like a very good idea, so it's a fleeting thought. So the very idea doesn't get rooted. The idea fades away.

But one needs to be feeling decent in order to for this to happen.

Hope you feel better soon!
   
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Re: don't like myself. - October 31st 2017, 11:09 PM

I have low self-esteem and am dealing with the fact that I have put on weight over the last few years. I too used to avoid mirrors as much as I could. I understand that it must be frustrating to be losing weight and yet feel like you look fatter than before. I'm not sure if it'll help you much, but when I feel this way, I try to tell myself that at least I'm trying to lose weight in a healthy way and that will be better for my body. Another thing you could try is taking pictures, perhaps every month or so, to help you see the progress. But I do agree with finding something that can help you feel a bit better about yourself. I always used to hate how I looked with no fringe and my hair tied back. I decided to have a side fringe and to wear my hair down and I do feel better about myself, even if I don't like my body much. Not sure it helps you much, but hope you find something that works for you!


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Re: don't like myself. - November 1st 2017, 12:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celyn View Post
I have low self-esteem and am dealing with the fact that I have put on weight over the last few years. I too used to avoid mirrors as much as I could. I understand that it must be frustrating to be losing weight and yet feel like you look fatter than before. I'm not sure if it'll help you much, but when I feel this way, I try to tell myself that at least I'm trying to lose weight in a healthy way and that will be better for my body. Another thing you could try is taking pictures, perhaps every month or so, to help you see the progress. But I do agree with finding something that can help you feel a bit better about yourself. I always used to hate how I looked with no fringe and my hair tied back. I decided to have a side fringe and to wear my hair down and I do feel better about myself, even if I don't like my body much. Not sure it helps you much, but hope you find something that works for you!
No I do that too. I dye my hair different colors, tattoos and piercings so at least I have some things I like about myself.



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Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend"
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Re: don't like myself. - November 1st 2017, 04:41 AM

Ok, this is my technique and it really helped.

Whenever I look at the mirror I always had a ton flaws, but I told my self "You could do better" that way you won't feel bad as much, and it'll motivate you to fix your flaws. (sorry if this is advice is little crappy)

Good luck!!!


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