TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
Member
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Jess~'s Avatar
 
Name: jess
Age: 20
Gender: chick with an imaginary dick
Location: hell

Posts: 908
Blog Entries: 10
Join Date: November 26th 2012

Unhappy i hate the body i was given - November 21st 2017, 01:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i know i've posted about this stuff before, i even made some progress. but now, i think it's actually gotten a lot worse. one step forward, two steps back, right?

i've hated and focused on specifically hating my nose for almost four years. it all started with a comment a friend made about it. i was in a group chat with online friends where we would play truth or dare and take pictures or videos to show that we did whatever we were dared to do. so i took a video for something and a friend of mine PMed me just to say how, "he never noticed it before, but that my nose is bigger than kim k's ass." it sounds really stupid, but right after he sent that i rewatched the video, then went through pictures of myself, and finally broke down crying because he was right. the scary part was that i had never even been aware of it before, and ever since then i haven't been able to stop focusing on it. it's the first thing i look at in every picture of myself, and it's the first thing i look at on other people to see how mine compares. the only people i've seen with noses like mine are grown, old men whose noses have been growing for awhile. and my dad, of course, which is who i got it from.
when i was in counseling, my counselor mentioned that i was following the behaviors of someone with body dysmorphic disorder. i never got it officially diagnosed or even checked out, but she did give me ways to help improve my self-esteem, which improved how much i obsessed over my nose.

i still hate it and no matter what, as i'm working hard and earning money, in the back of my mind there's just this knowledge of "all this money will one day go towards a nose job." of course i spend money on little things here and there, but the nose job is the ultimate goal. i kind of see that as the point where i'll start a "better life" or some shit.

but lately i've also been getting comments on my forehead. on tinder, some guy matched with me and the first thing he said was, "yo you got a big ass forehead." like yeah, that's how to get a girl to sleep with you. yes. my ex-boyfriend, who i've been hanging out with lately, was on my phone and saw that message, then started laughing saying how good the guy roasted me, and how i did have a big forehead.
and of course, i can't stop obsessing. as soon as i became aware about my nose, i started editing all my pictures so that my nose looked normal. now, i've also started editing my hairline, so that my forehead will be smaller.
and just now, some girl who randomly got added into that same group chat said i look like a crackhead with crooked teeth (i had braces and my teeth are now perfectly straight, so that's something i know for sure isn't true.) and that i didn't even have a 4 head i have an 8 head. she left the chat right after that message, and my close online friends just said how, not only untrue, but cliche those insults are, and they quickly changed the conversation.
but of course, that only adds fuel to the fire, and now i'm obsessing again. there was a point, freshman year, where i was worried about my forehead size because my friends were talking about theirs. they used their fingers to measure, and the thing was if it took four fingers to fit your forehead, you had a normal "four-head". mine only takes three fingers, so i always prided myself on that, thinking i had a good forehead. which sounds so stupid now because obviously it's huge, if that many people have said something about it by now.

i know it's ridiculous that i let other peoples' comments get to me like this. i like to tell myself that i don't care what other people think, but the truth is i do way more than i should. but i don't know how to stop. it's not even when people are being mean.
i uploaded some pictures to a site where you can find plastic surgeons and i asked if anything could be done to fix my disgusting nose. they said it would actually be a pretty easy procedure, and it could even be a closed rhinoplasty, which heals a lot faster and leaves less scars. so that's actually great news for me. but a couple of the doctors added, "you might also want to consider a chin implant to fix the recessed chin so that it will balance out your facial features more."
i'm not in any way saying the doctor was just "being a meanie" and i know it was just his professional opinion and that it would help bring better proportion to my face. i am thankful for his advice. but, even something as neutral and well-meaning as that has made me obsess about my chin that is apparently recessed.
i now edit my chin sometimes too.

so basically, everything that people have commented on about my physical appearance, i've become hyper sensitive about. it seems like the more comments something has got, the worse my obsession with it is. and with every comment is something more that i edit. but editing in itself has made my self-esteem and body image even worse, because i end up loving those pictures of myself. then everyone else complements them and i start to feel better. until i look in the mirror and see all my flaws again.
my nose, my forehead, my chin, my small lips, my flabby arms, my small breasts, my fat, my flat ass, my cellulite, everything.

the worst part is, a lot of those aren't even true. at least not anymore, or not to the extent that i see them as. and of course, i am working to fix the ones about my body. i'm working out a lot and eating right again and i'm excited to make that progress. but i just feel like my face will always bother me. part of me is terrified that even once i get the nose job, i will still be ugly. even some pictures where i've edited my nose, i still look disgusting. not beautiful.
i get triggered into obsessing about how ugly and gross i am, not only when someone insults me, but when i see someone who is beautiful. but i don't want to have to unfollow all my beautiful friends from social media, just because the fact that they were lucky enough to be born into their body makes me feel bad about myself.
i'm starting to hate the fact that i even got this body as mine. i feel like nothing is really that good about it. and even when i made good progress in working out, i would obsess over my bone structure and how i'll never even have a small, petite, cute frame like other girls who were born into those bodies, because my ribcage is huge and gross and my shoulders are broad.
i'm disgusting and there's no escape. what the fuck is the answer to this?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,357
Blog Entries: 149
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: i hate the body i was given - November 24th 2017, 09:59 PM

You're not disgusting. Even though you like to think that what other people think doesn't matter, since we are a social species, I'd say it's only natural to feel insecure when someone criticises us in anyway. But perhaps rather than jump the gun and automatically believe and worry about the things other people say, what if you took a step back and tried to see other points of views or motives?

For example, people who criticise your appearance may be jealous or insecure and may only be doing it to make you feel bad and them to feel better about themselves. It might also feel easier to criticise someone online or through an app because they can behind their screen- they most likely wouldn't say those things in person! Another important point is that a lot of this is taking place in terms of how you see yourself in pictures, videos and in the mirror. The problem is there are so many different factors that can affect how we look in media or in mirrors- angles, lighting, lenses, whether the camera 'flips' images etc and we may look very different in person. But we'll never get to see ourselves from another point of view, and this is where it gets tricky and why you might rely on pictures and what other people say. And editing pictures only adds to the dysphoria since you know the pictures were edited, and perhaps feel that's the best way to get likes and comments, rather than posting the unedited versions.

Equally, though I'm sure the plastic surgeon was offering a professional opinion, remember that their motive might have been money too. So perhaps use your own judgement as to what kind of motives some people might have behind critiquing your appearance.

Another important point is that you can't (and shouldn't) try to please everyone. It can be very easy to fall into the trap thinking that one improvement, such as a nose job, will be the start of a perfect life only to find fault with something else, or for others to start critiquing the nose job. There isn't really a perfect body or look, and trying to achieve this can lead down a slippery slope of changing things and never being satisfied.

You don't have to unfollow people, but don't be afraid to if it helps. Keep in mind that a lot of what you see on social media has also been edited or even staged and if you feel like it, try critiquing those images in your mind, rather than admiring them and feeling bad about yourself.

Since counselling helped before, maybe it's something you could look into again, specifically for the things you are dealing with?


HelpLINK and Live Help Officer
Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3
SKITTLIFY!

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
body, hate

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.