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Family members dead, I feel nothing. - November 28th 2017, 10:46 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Like the title says. Parents and little sister got killed in a car accident. They were a loving family- that much isn't an opinion but an objective fact. Everyone in the family but myself was the kind of person that made a habit of making sure we knew how much we were loved, and how much we could trust each other. Sure, there were faults: mom was a bit irresponsible at the cost of her kids but hated resented for it more than my sister did(she held grudges). My sister was the type to take things a bit too far without meaning to and try her hardest to make it up to you because she just gets carried away.

But in the end, these were minor things that didn't even count as issues because we'd gotten used to each others quirks and what not- didn't even need apologies anymore. Instead we laughed, we joked, we enjoyed each other's company. Yet now, an entire month after they've been robbed of me, the only thing their death really triggers are thoughts like "You win some, you lose some." Or "Nothing to really do about it, moving on."

What should I do? This isn't normal. I remember helping raise my little sis, watching her play with a toy I'd spent two months' worth of allowance on(a big sacrifice for a 7 year old) and thinking that seeing her giggle was worth it. I remember going crazy and hospitalizing four people because they put their hands on my mother, who didn't even know I was there until after I intervened.

It's scary how all of those feelings: protectiveness, care, altruism, how they seem like a lie. What should I do? How did you cope with apathy you didn't know you were capable of?
   
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Re: Family members dead, I feel nothing. - November 29th 2017, 01:16 AM

From my own personal experience working with people, mainly kids 4-18, who have lost someone it isn't abnormal for someone to have a sense of apathy. People grieve differently.

I know, I lost a family member around this time last year and I felt sad but I, too, felt apathetic. It made me feel like a crappy person because so many people around me were devastated.

Anyway, recently I started getting really overwhelmed with emotion regarding their death. They were in an accident and so I started getting really upset when I would drive by an area that had a similar set up to their accident.

I think that it can take some people longer to really feel the grief. I think apathy is a defense mechanism for some, too. Having apathy prevents us from feeling an extreme amount of sadness, guilt etc.

If you have the ability, it might be worth looking into a grief counselor or a grief group for teens.

Best regards!


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Re: Family members dead, I feel nothing. - November 30th 2017, 06:03 PM

I agree with the above response. I lost my dad a few years ago through illness, and while I was upset at the time, not long after I just went through a phase of apathy and numbness. Sometimes it hits me and other times I don't feel much. I guess the apathy is a bit like a defence as when things are overwhelming, you can just shut down in order to carry on with day-to-day life. But processing the grief can be helpful, so as it's been suggested, looking into grief counselling might be helpful to you.


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