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Unhappy I can't stop myself. - December 20th 2017, 11:11 PM

Must I do everything in threes? fives? tens? And if I accidentally do 11 I must go until 50. It's been like this since I was six. Every day when I leave the house, I must check back to see if everything's closed, off, and put away three times. If I accidentally pull myself into doing 4, I must do 5. Then 10. I'll force myself into doing things just because I haven't done it for three days yet. Believe me, I've tried stopping. It drives me completely insane. If I tap one side, I'll have to tap the other. And it feels uneven, so I tap the other side. Then the other. Then the other. And I find myself in a never-ending vortex. I've done it for one whole hour. I also find myself practicing for things. Like for example: I love to sing. If I have to perform, I'll practice three times every hour the week before. I'll drop whatever I'm doing uncontrollably, and then start to sing three times. If I mess up, I go insane because I have to start over. And then it will be more than three times! Then I change three times an hour into five. If I don't sing the five perfectly, then it turns into ten. It keeps going on and on. Can someone tell me what's going on? Is there any way to fix it? Is it just me being a perfectionist?
   
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Re: I can't stop myself. - December 20th 2017, 11:24 PM

None of us are licensed professionals, so we can't diagnose or anything, but it does seem like there may be something more than perfectionism behind your habits. Often, the distinction between a quirk and a mental illness is blurry at best. If it worries you and causes you distress, I would talk to someone you trust. They can get you to someone who can help. Hope you get this figured out, one way or another. Best wishes.
   
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Re: I can't stop myself. - December 20th 2017, 11:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
None of us are licensed professionals, so we can't diagnose or anything, but it does seem like there may be something more than perfectionism behind your habits. Often, the distinction between a quirk and a mental illness is blurry at best. If it worries you and causes you distress, I would talk to someone you trust. They can get you to someone who can help. Hope you get this figured out, one way or another. Best wishes.
Thank you, it definitely worries me and causes me distress. I will talk with someone I trust.
   
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Re: I can't stop myself. - December 21st 2017, 01:31 AM

Hey,
This sounds really awful. I know what you mean I have to have things done by fives. So the Tv volume, the radio. I am not a professional so I can't diagnose you but this sounds like OCD. I would bring it up with your therapist and if you don't have one then with your doctor and see what they say.

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Re: I can't stop myself. - December 22nd 2017, 09:36 PM

As it's been said, we aren't professionals so can't diagnose but like everyone else has said, it may be more than just being a perfectionist, perhaps even along the lines of OCD. It's definitely a good idea to talk with someone you trust about this!

It sounds like this checking behaviour does get in the way of your life a lot. You mention that you tried to stop but nothing seems to work. Maybe trying to accept that it's something that you are trying to deal with might help. Rather than trying to stop completely, perhaps work on cutting down/limiting the amount of times you check on things or not giving in to the urges to check things more when it feels uneven. It's difficult, but not impossible, and if you do manage to sit through the urge rather than act on it, you will prove this to yourself.

But always be gentle with yourself- if you try to cut down but find that you can't, don't beat yourself up. Just accept that you are struggling to deal with this at the moment.


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