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Virgil Offline
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Help - February 2nd 2018, 11:32 PM

So, yeah. Here I am, spreading my petty problems around, hoping somebody gives a damn. I've been not okay for a while, but things are taking a turn for the worse. For one, my hallucinations are really starting to rear their ugly heads. I've gone from vague figures and lighting disturbances to full on people and other objects. And new imaginary friends are popping up without my making them. Although, the new ones aren't really friends. They definitely don't like me. Not that I blame them. I'm ignorant at the best of times, blunt and insensitive at the worst. I've been trying to let go of friends so that they don't have to deal with me anymore. It doesn't work, and I usually end up sabotaging myself, but at least I'm trying to free them from me. They deserve a friend who isn't just a bundle of problems and tears. I started self-harming again. My anxiety is to the point where I'm constantly twitching at the slightest sound. And it doesn't help that I still can't shake the idea that everyone secretly hates me. They think I don't see the way they don't make eye contact when they talk to me, the way they're always staring when I'm not looking. Am I just crazy? I don't know anymore. I don't know how much longer I can keep looking normal from the outside. Soon enough these feelings are gonna tear me apart from the inside out. I'm not really sure what I'm expecting to get out of posting this, but advice would be nice. Thank you and sorry to anyone who actually wasted their time reading this pathetic post.
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Re: Help - February 3rd 2018, 03:57 PM

Hey there,

It might be difficult but I think the best thing you can do is try and get in with a doctor to discuss what is going on. A doctor such as a therapist or psychiatrist would probably be able to help you figure out what is going on and help provide you with the resources to get to a better place. There are so many different things that could be contributing to this that you should talk to someone who has knowledge on the subject and can provide you with the appropriate help and resources.

Best regards.

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Celyn Offline
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Re: Help - February 5th 2018, 10:01 PM

Sorry to hear that you are struggling with hallucinations and feeling bad about yourself. I'm glad that you are talking about your experiences though- it's definitely not petty and we do care!

I agree with the above that since the hallucinations are getting worse, you've started self-harming again and overall feel anxious, it's best that you talk to a doctor or counsellor, as they will be able to help you more.

As for friends, you aren't a burden. It's okay to have problems and cry, and it's okay for friends to support you. When we are anxious and feel bad about ourselves, we may think that everyone else hates us too and we may be more on the outlook for signs that this may be true. But it might not be true at all.

You aren't crazy. It can definitely be hard trying to be 'normal' while hiding what's really going on in your mind. But if you can, tell people that you trust about how you are feeling. This will help lessen the pressure of trying to hide your feelings, and you'll have more support too.

No need to apologise for posting- I'm glad you did and hope it helped a bit

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