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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wishes Offline
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Why is my life such a mess - July 4th 2018, 10:55 AM

So
I mentioned in some of my previous posts about the guy in year 13 that was interested.
So here is the update.
I started talking to him and all seemed good. We seemed to get along and he was so nice to me, and I genuinely believed he had interest...and I guess I really fell for him. Like I really did.

But soon I noticed him ignoring me, which was weird. Like I though it over and I know I didn't do anything, he would just blank me in the corridors and stuff. Then the next day he would say hello and talk nicely again.
I should have just stopped it there, known that it would end bad and I would get hurt again.
But no, I really tried with him. I thought I actually stood a chance.

Then soon enough I told him I like him. He said he has a lot going on, and doesn't want a relationship. I believed him. That was dumb.
Infact, only 3 days later he blocked me on Whatsapp. I called him and we spoke and he said we can be friends...he said he blocked me because he didn't want drama. Again, I fell for it. I should have just left it from the start. I was so dumb.

So we talked through the school holidays, but after on the first day back he got his friend to text me to leave him alone. Said I'm weird and annoying, although I still can't see how.

So basically, he was interested but as soon as I started talking to him he lost it. He just doesn't want a relationship with me, not in general.

Now, his friends keep messaging me and saying stupid things to make me feel even more ugly and worthless than I did before. And I am so sure that they made a fake insta account, pretending to be a boy from the year above who likes me.

All this has made me feel worse about myself. I have really fallen for him, and he says he wants nothing to do with me. He started all of this, now he ended it.
Idek what I want here.
I just feel so ugly and bad because he actually got to know me and decided he didn't want me anymore.

I also have been having trouble eating (ED) and am always going to bed at like 4am (so I go on like 2 and a half hours sleep) because nightime is the only time where people can't judge me for how I look and I don't have to face people. Like, idk i get privacy?

Idek. I'm just so depressed now and all this made it worse.
And I have spoken to about 5 other guys and they were all wrong, and users.

Idek. I feel bad and have no self-esteem left.
Any advice is appreciated


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: Why is my life such a mess - July 7th 2018, 01:09 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry that all of this is happening. I understand how hard this is. I honestly don't know what to say about the boy, I;ve never been in this position so I don't really have any advice I'm sorry.

As for the ED. I know how much you struggle with this. I understand about staying up late, I do it to. I love the night time more than the day time. It's comforting.

As for self-eesteem that is a really hard thing to get. I still don't have any so I don't know how good this advice will be. Maybe in the mornings you can come up with just one thing each day that you like about yourself. And at night come up with one positive thing about your day before you go to bed. You may even want to write them down.


I really hope some of this was helpful. You can always PM/VM me anytime.
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Frankie<3


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Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
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Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: Why is my life such a mess - July 15th 2018, 02:50 PM

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your ED, not sleeping much, feeling judged and overall depressed.

What happened with the guy doesn't make you dumb. You liked him, tried to get to know him and at first, he seemed friendly, but late it seems like he was giving mixed messages (blocking you but then saying you can still be friends). Rejection is hard to take, but just because this guy doesn't want a relationship with you, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Sometimes it just doesn't work out and even though it hurts, it's also okay. That said, his friends shouldn't be harassing you. If you haven't already, you might want to block them so they can't get to you.

I understand that you feel you get more privacy at night. But you need sleep and a lack of sleep can make you feel worse. Maybe you can try to go to bed a bit earlier each night? Try to remember that you are doing this to help yourself because you deserve it.

As for the other guys, sometimes when we feel low in ourselves, or don't have a healthy self perspective, we may choose people that aren't good for us, without realising. Then when we get used, we may tell ourselves that this proves we are bad, ugly and worthless. But that's not true at all. You are worth more than that. I agree with Frankie's suggestion in trying to find something you do like about yourself every morning to help give you a bit of a confidence boost. You don't necessarily need other people's approval- what matters the most is how you feel about yourself. You may be thinking badly about yourself but that doesn't mean it's true as we are often our harshest critics. It is possible to change this thinking and be gentler on ourselves


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Allyson Wood Offline
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Re: Why is my life such a mess - July 26th 2018, 01:04 PM

I am sorry to hear about that..
   
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