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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
Optimistic pessimist
I can't get enough
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Name: Maria
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Need Some Advice about Stress - August 24th 2018, 03:47 AM

I've had a lot of stress in my life lately. They're all things I know many people experience. I know the answers you're supposed to do, I know what I would tell other people to do. But I'm struggling to do it myself. I literally can not get myself to stop arguing with myself. And it is the most frustrating thing ever when other people argue with all of my suggestions, but I can't seem to move past this.

I'm working A LOT at a job that I love but it is emotionally draining. I am exhausted, but I can't sleep. When I do sleep it's for 12+ hours and I miss things I'm supposed to do or feel guilty for wasting my whole day off. I'll go back to my normal reasonable hours in a week or two, but I need the money.

I have a lot of financial issues. Which is really frustring when I'm working my ass off at a job that requires education and experience, but barely makes over what my 16 year old sister is making.

I also have limited emotions. I still feel really happy sometimes in appropriate situations. I feel tired, so tired I can't feel. Part of it is physically tired, but I really could stare at a wall for hours too. And I now have a "freak out" mode. I thought I experienced anxiety before, oh no no. It happens out of no where. It doesn't feel like I'm having a heart attack, it feels like my heart already stopped. It feels like the whole world is closing in, and I'm not even going to be lucky enough to die, I'm going to be stuck in this awful place forever. I've never been one to freak out right on the spot, but it's happening more and more and there's literally nothing I've found to stop it other than wait it out and keep repeating words to myself. I hear other people talking when it happens but no matter how hard I try I can't comprehend what they mean. It's maybe like 2 to 5 minutes.

I know I need professional help. My meds clearly aren't helping as much as they should anymore. I'm meeting with a new psychiatrist tomorrow (if i wake up) but I dont want to be too honest because I don't want my meds made worse. I'm also on adderall and I know a lot of doctors get sketchy with that, but it really helps and I've been on these meds with this dose for 10 years (well when I take them).
I don't have the energy to do things for myself though. I should come first, self care, I get it. Right now I dont have time for life to stop and let me catch up - welcome to adulting. To get behavioral healthcare I have to drive over 45 minutes because of my stupid insurance. I dont feel like arguing for myself about appointments, I don't feel like taking the small amount of time I have to myself or with my fiance to go to spending money on doctors that I dont believe will even help me anymore. I'm not sure how much they'll do quickly if I'm not on the edge of suicide anyway.

Anyway. Sorry that got drug out. Any advice and suggestions, or personal experiences are appreciated. I feel like I'm struggling to see my life from an outside perspective, I almost need someone to kind of call me out and challenge my thinking patterns so that I'm more willing to look at possibilities. I just feel even more frustrated as I worked through so much shit, but being crazy just always seems to circle back around. You'd think I'd have it figured it out by now, I felt like I did. Oh well.

The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Holly
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Re: Need Some Advice about Stress - August 26th 2018, 03:58 PM

How did the meeting with the psychiatrist go?

I think it's very common to be able to help others, and yet not be able to help yourself (I'm the same!). You may know what to do or what you would say to others in your situation, but actually following through with your own advice can be tricky.

Working a lot in an emotionally draining job does run the risk of burn out, and as you know, self-care is important. It's good that you'll go back to your normal working hours soon, but it's clear that you are struggling a bit at the moment. What I learned recently is that when we struggle with depression, our lives go in one of two directions- either we have too much time on our hands and ruminate instead of doing things (leading to guilt of not getting things done), or we are too busy and end up feeling guilty for all the things we didn't get done. While sleep can seem pointless, it's clear that your body feels the need to rest. So if you don't get much done at the moment, try not to be hard on yourself. Maybe think about all the things you want to get done and try to prioritise things instead. The things that aren't that important or you can get someone else to help with, take them off the list, and give yourself permission to use that time for self-care. The other side of this is that depression can zap your energy and you may feel like you have no motivation to do things. But it's important to do the opposite and do things whether that's chores or self-care as this may help to boost your mood a bit. And you won't feel guilty either about not doing things.

Depression and anxiety do often co-exist. It makes sense when you are having financial issues, working hard and then not having time or energy to get other things done, that you'd notice anxiety getting worse as well. And when we are consistently anxious and stressed, we may experience anxiety/panic attacks (you don't have to have the racing heart either). Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait it out. As horrible as it feels, it will pass. Repeating words to yourself, counting backwards from a large number, repeating song lyrics, looking around you and naming what you can see, hear, touch, smell etc., can help to ease the panic a bit by giving your mind something else to focus on.

I understand how frustrating it is to have worked through things only to find yourself relapsing and struggling. It is hard but it happens and it's okay. You never go right back to the beginning though, You have grown since then, even if it doesn't feel like it much now. You will get through this

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