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Both schizophrenic - November 17th 2019, 09:43 AM

Hey lovelies.
Both me and my boyfriend suffers from schizphrenia (and eating disorder) and its good 80% of the time, because we understand and helps eachother.

But its so hard for me, when my boyfriend feels bad. I dont know what to do, and when hes in pain, I am. I try everything but hes kinda closed down.

It doesnt make it better, that he lost his friend/ex girlfriend to suicide december 2016, and I guess its getting close now.
But he cant/wont talk to me, no matter what I do.

Im just sitting here crying. I feel like the worst girlfriend for not being able to help him.
Im just in so much pain.
I dont know what to do.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 17th 2019, 12:42 PM

The truth is, you can't help him. You've done all you can to reassure him you're there for him. The fact that he's not talking about his feelings is not a reflection on you; it's simply his choice not to. Beating yourself up for something that has nothing to do with you is only going to cause you misery. In relationships, especially ones where we share disorders with our partners, it's easy to be up when they're up and down when they're down, but you've got to find your own equilibrium. You can't crash every time he's down and vice versa. You can't save him from himself. He needs to practice some of his own self-care.

I would also suggest y'all have some hobbies and things away from each other. From the sound of it you spend pretty much all your time together and while it's fine to spend time with loved ones, it's easy to become enmeshed. I'm worried that's what is happening if your emotional state is dependent on your boyfriend. So maybe spend one evening a week doing separate things to start with. Having "you" time, you know?

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 17th 2019, 02:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Heathen View Post
The truth is, you can't help him. You've done all you can to reassure him you're there for him. The fact that he's not talking about his feelings is not a reflection on you; it's simply his choice not to. Beating yourself up for something that has nothing to do with you is only going to cause you misery. In relationships, especially ones where we share disorders with our partners, it's easy to be up when they're up and down when they're down, but you've got to find your own equilibrium. You can't crash every time he's down and vice versa. You can't save him from himself. He needs to practice some of his own self-care.

I would also suggest y'all have some hobbies and things away from each other. From the sound of it you spend pretty much all your time together and while it's fine to spend time with loved ones, it's easy to become enmeshed. I'm worried that's what is happening if your emotional state is dependent on your boyfriend. So maybe spend one evening a week doing separate things to start with. Having "you" time, you know?

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.
Thanks for your reply

Yeah, I know. I guess theres a reason he wont talk to me. He doesnt think im ready. I feel SO bad crying when hes sad, I just cant help it
But I should try not to.

And I guess youre right. Right now hes playing Xbox and im sitting next to him drawing. Its nice!

Its better right now. But hes very irritable, and can turn very quick.

I just want to say, if it sounds like im tired of him or anything. IM NOT. I love my boyfriend more than anything and i cant imagine a life without him.
I love him so much and hes my whole life





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 17th 2019, 02:48 PM

You're allowed to have feelings about him not talking to you. It's understandable you'd feel hurt and sad, maybe even scared. It's just you can't rely on him to regulate those feelings for you. He'll talk if and when he's ready to talk. In the mean time just try and be as supportive as you can.

It doesn't sound like you are tired of your boyfriend but I suggest branching out. Seeing other friends, meeting new people. One person should not be your whole world because when things go awry with that person (and conflict is inevitable, so they will at some point) it'll feel like your whole world is crashing. Then it's too tempting to engage in maladaptive coping mechanisms and that can start a dangerous cycle.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 18th 2019, 07:40 AM

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You're allowed to have feelings about him not talking to you. It's understandable you'd feel hurt and sad, maybe even scared. It's just you can't rely on him to regulate those feelings for you. He'll talk if and when he's ready to talk. In the mean time just try and be as supportive as you can.

It doesn't sound like you are tired of your boyfriend but I suggest branching out. Seeing other friends, meeting new people. One person should not be your whole world because when things go awry with that person (and conflict is inevitable, so they will at some point) it'll feel like your whole world is crashing. Then it's too tempting to engage in maladaptive coping mechanisms and that can start a dangerous cycle.
Thanks for your reply <3

It makes me kind of scared. I’m afraid to lose him.
And you’re right. He is my whole world, and 80% of the time it’s the best. Because i love him so much.
But yeah, maybe I should see someone else.. to get a bit out of the house.

Again, thanks for your help in here. You’re all amazing.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 18th 2019, 01:30 PM

Glad I could help. I'm always a PM away.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 18th 2019, 02:32 PM

I know Jordan gave some very helpful advice, but I thought I would add my two cents if that is ok.

I understand feeling very connected to a person, I am like that with someone as well. But I acknowlege that they are stressed out themselves and have a lot on their plate; so being a stressor towards them is not a good thing. It not only hurts them, but it hurts me as well because I have no other safe and healthy outlet. So I definitely get where you're coming from!

I agree trying to find other hobbies and meeting new people within your community. Think about your hobbies, what is it you like to do? If you like to read books, join the local library's book club if they have one or at a community center. Are you interested in studying something, even if it's just for fun? Then take a class, and you'll definitely meet others with that same subject interest. These are just to name a few examples where you can meet new people.

Of course, this does not mean you should neglect your boyfriend. I'm sure it'll take away some of his stress and potential guilt for not being there with you during this difficult time he is going through. He has comfort knowing that you are still there for him, but that you are also taking care of yourself.

If you ever need to reach out again, please don't hesitate in doing so. Best of luck.


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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 18th 2019, 02:39 PM

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Originally Posted by Butterfly. View Post
I know Jordan gave some very helpful advice, but I thought I would add my two cents if that is ok.

I understand feeling very connected to a person, I am like that with someone as well. But I acknowlege that they are stressed out themselves and have a lot on their plate; so being a stressor towards them is not a good thing. It not only hurts them, but it hurts me as well because I have no other safe and healthy outlet. So I definitely get where you're coming from!

I agree trying to find other hobbies and meeting new people within your community. Think about your hobbies, what is it you like to do? If you like to read books, join the local library's book club if they have one or at a community center. Are you interested in studying something, even if it's just for fun? Then take a class, and you'll definitely meet others with that same subject interest. These are just to name a few examples where you can meet new people.

Of course, this does not mean you should neglect your boyfriend. I'm sure it'll take away some of his stress and potential guilt for not being there with you during this difficult time he is going through. He has comfort knowing that you are still there for him, but that you are also taking care of yourself.

If you ever need to reach out again, please don't hesitate in doing so. Best of luck.
Hi <3
Thanks for your advice! And I guess youre right.
Well, today Ive been drawing and listening to music - doing something good for myself. Hes feeling a bit better too btw.

I know he loves me, and I love him.
He saves me everyday.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 19th 2019, 07:03 AM

I got a nice talk with a professionel yesterday, and it helped a little.
She said she understand it’s hard and I have to take care of ME also.
Some days he’s down, and some days he’s okay. And that’s just the way it is.
It’s so damn hard, but I’m here for him, and nomatter how much I want to, I cant remove the pain of his dead friend.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 19th 2019, 11:42 AM

Death is such a final thing and it's always going to hurt when we lose someone we love. Maybe it's less about removing the pain and more just holding space for him when he needs it. But your therapist is right; I want to see you spending more time taking care of yourself. You can't focus everything on your boyfriend and you shouldn't try because this is not a pain you can make better or "go away." It's just going to hurt, for a long, long time.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 19th 2019, 11:54 AM

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Death is such a final thing and it's always going to hurt when we lose someone we love. Maybe it's less about removing the pain and more just holding space for him when he needs it. But your therapist is right; I want to see you spending more time taking care of yourself. You can't focus everything on your boyfriend and you shouldn't try because this is not a pain you can make better or "go away." It's just going to hurt, for a long, long time.
Thanks for reply.

Yeah, I know I’ve lost someone too, so I know the pain. And I know I can’t remove it.. just wish I could. I’d do anything for him.
Bur I’m trying to give him space and actually do things for ME, which is nice.

It’s the good and bad thing about both being fragile. 80% of the time it’s amazing and we can help and understand eachother - but 20% it’s hard, cause when he’s feeling bad, so am I - and the other way around.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 19th 2019, 03:36 PM

Like I said, I think you both could benefit from individuating a little bit. I'm glad you're focusing more on yourself. I think it'll help you in the long run to have your own emotional balance and not have your emotional state dependent on his. It's normal to feel sad when your partner is sad but it shouldn't bring you into a depression. That's a sign of enmeshment, which is the sign of unhealthy codependency.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 20th 2019, 06:08 AM

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Like I said, I think you both could benefit from individuating a little bit. I'm glad you're focusing more on yourself. I think it'll help you in the long run to have your own emotional balance and not have your emotional state dependent on his. It's normal to feel sad when your partner is sad but it shouldn't bring you into a depression. That's a sign of enmeshment, which is the sign of unhealthy codependency.
Youre right. Thanks for your help <3





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 22nd 2019, 05:57 AM

Update: He’s doing much better atm





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 22nd 2019, 01:31 PM

Glad to hear it!



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 22nd 2019, 09:23 PM

I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is doing better!

Please continue to take care of yourself and remember: there are going to be good days and bad days.



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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 23rd 2019, 06:57 AM

Thanks <3
Yeah, I know.
I’ll remrmber to take care of myself next time.





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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 24th 2019, 05:26 PM

If you ever feel like you are having a rough time, or you don't know how to deal with your boyfriend, please do reach out on here, HelpLINK, LiveHelp, or on your blog. We're here to listen and to give the best advice as we possibly can. Ultimately, it's up to you to make choices that best suits you.


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Re: Both schizophrenic - November 25th 2019, 05:58 AM

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If you ever feel like you are having a rough time, or you don't know how to deal with your boyfriend, please do reach out on here, HelpLINK, LiveHelp, or on your blog. We're here to listen and to give the best advice as we possibly can. Ultimately, it's up to you to make choices that best suits you.
Awwhhhh thanks
Youre all so lovely.





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