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Slowly_Losing_Control's Avatar
Name: Bailey
Gender: Female
Location: California, US

Posts: 39
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: May 4th 2009

I don't know what's happening to me - June 25th 2009, 06:27 AM

I really feel like I'm heading downhill fast, and I don't know what to do. I don't even really know what is triggerring this. I haven't been happy or even content or ok with anything in my life in the last 6 months or so. I don't have the faintest idea why, but I can feel a full-on mental breakdown coming on, and it terrifies me. I've only ever felt like this once before in my life and I don't want to go through that again. Let's see, recently it started out just that I can't find anything to be happy about. I feel like crying all the time, even though I never do, or I feel like yelling and screaming and going totally crazy. Then, I started sh-ing more and more. And I have this ridiculous fear of fish, and last week, I had to go out on a boat on the lake for work, and I lost it. I was crying and I threw up twice from the fear, even though I was trying so hard to hold myself together. Well, I guess that was me "holding myself together" because when I got off the boat finally, I somehow made it to my car, but I was frozen in the seat for who knows how long. I know it had to be a really long time cuz it got dark. I think I was in state of shock, literally. I couldnt move and I felt like I wasn't a part of my body, like I couldn't feel myself. And then when I finally started coming around again, I started crying hysterically and sobbing and I was shaking so bad. The way I reacted really scares me, because I couldnt control myself. All these feeling just keep getting worse and worse, and I am scared of what's happening to me. I don't even know what I expect any of you guys to say, I'm just truly terrified of what's happening to me.
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