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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Candy Offline
U think it, but i'll ink it...
Not a n00b
Candy's Avatar
Name: Candy
Gender: Female
Location: London ENGLAND

Posts: 55
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: October 5th 2009

i dunno where this fits. i need help - October 19th 2009, 08:05 PM

an extract from my blog i need advice about

A little bit about me. I need space.

Its wierd because i have just looked at my first blog and this is the complete oppositie. Im not happier, i'm worse and im confused and angry and upset.
And i cried. Like an idiot, infact, i cried until my pillow was damp and i know i sound like a looser, but its true. My friend came over then she went home and my mum was getting on my nerves and i started to think. i hate when i think, it make me feel real bad and then i can't sleep.
I just dont get why i can't get over anything! Its like shut up!! I think i need closure.. i dunno how though. It's my cousins Birthday on Saturday, he's only one. Once again i'll be surrounded by little children and babies that will bring back memories. Im also babysitting on Friday to three kids. \wish me luck...
I cant explain how i felt. i found out i was pregnant and i was scared, but i KNEW i wanted to keep it. i did find out a little late, so i had smoked by then and that was something i always said i never wanted to do. I was on holiday when i found out for sure and in London before, when i had a supsision. I actually thought it couldnt happen to me. I was 15. because i found out late i ddnt have much time to conect as much with my unborn child. I never knew the sex.
When i miscarried i cried till i couldnt anymore. i stayed in bed for ages and couldnt sleep or eat. i couldnt belive what had happend. I hadnt even told my mum! I knew she'd be mad but it would make it more real. My ex boyfriend was shocked. He knew i was pregnant but when he's spaced out, he forgets alott of things. That was one of them.
I was 16 the second time and i knew i was gonna have a boy. I told 1 friend and was so excited about meeting my son. Aftear he beat me up again, i felt numb it was like it just wasn't ment to be. It hurts i didnt fight back but i couldnt. I tried to cover my stomach but he was pulling me and punching me and it was hard. I actually got sick and i think thats when he realised what he was doing.
I'm rambling, but it feels good its like i'm finally speaking out about it. Somethings missing now. Seriously. I have to keep occupied becuase i dnt wnat to think about the past. I have had troubles already of me thinking about having another child. I know its not correct now, and that it woulndt be closure, but i dont know what is.
College is turning me mad and Home is crazy.I just Need Space.

Candy =)

Last edited by WashoutThePain; October 19th 2009 at 08:09 PM. Reason: Moving to Mental Health =]
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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xxCookiiexMonsterxx's Avatar
Name: Steph
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Fleet =]

Posts: 286
Blog Entries: 24
Join Date: January 9th 2009

Re: i dunno where this fits. i need help - October 22nd 2009, 12:50 PM

Hey Candy,
Well Done, for being able to write about these things, I know it must be extremely difficult for you to think about these things, let alone write or talk about them.
But you also mention how good it made you feel to finally 'talk' about these horrific things. You have been through so much in your life already, and it's such a shame that you've had to deal with so much alone. Have you got anyone you can talk to about things? A friend, parent, teacher.. anyone that you can start to talk this over with.. Not sure how old you are.. but maybe your school has a school counsellor, or you could possibly go to your GP mention not being able to eat, sleep.. generally unable to cope.. and they may be able to refer you onto counselling or something similar.. You've shown great strength making this first step talking about this.. you should be so proud of yourself..
PM me if you wanna talk about anything. (: Good Luck x

[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  Send a message via MSN to xxCookiiexMonsterxx  
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dunno, fits

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