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Ambiance Offline
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Posts: 627
Join Date: August 27th 2009

I wish someone would fix me. - October 20th 2009, 02:22 AM

This kid at school started teasing me last week, and yah, it was annoying, but I told him to seriously just stop today because I was already on edge and I just wanted to have a good day, and he was okay for a while, but then he ended up basically telling me all the various things that made me ugly and I kept trying to brush it off or act like it was a joke, but I ended up trying not to cry straight up until lunch time and freaking out. It just pushed me over the edge, after that I just kept wishing I was more attractive, wishing I was more out-going and that I could just pull this together already and wishing I was just better all around, because I felt like for the most part that I was out of this funk that I've been in for a really long time and I was moving forward, but lately I feel like I've just stopped. And I used to just think to myself when things were bad, "I move forward each day because I have to" and it worked, and now I just keep wondering why I can't do that, why some stupid kid at school throws me over the edge like this.

And then someone told me later he admitted that he was just trying to get me mad because I just kept telling to shutup and to stop it , and he was just trying to make me yell or something. Well great, except he was pointing out real things about me and I still feel bad, and I can't stand that anyone was just trying to see how much it would take to break me.

I got home today and I just broke down crying in my room from holding it in all day, and my Mom kept asking me what was wrong and telling me I had to tell somebody and I kept telling her I didn't want to talk about it, and it just like broke my heart, she looked at me and said, "I just want you to be happy," and I said, "I want to be happy." And now I feel like I'm even bothering other people because I'm not getting out of this, and I don't know what to do. I just want everything to be good...

Last edited by Ambiance; October 20th 2009 at 02:34 AM.
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