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Buffy Offline
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Name: Buffy
Age: 28
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Join Date: October 2nd 2009

Borderline personality? God i hope not. - October 29th 2009, 07:36 AM

why cant i stop living in the stupid fantasy world i created?
i've had a very screwed up life. and i understand that my intense trust issues comes from the problems i've had with my parents, but why do i always lie to make myself seem better then what i am? if something embarrasing happens to me i lie about it to make it so i come out on top or i switch it off on to someone else. i destroyed my an amazing relathionship because of this.
and i jsut want it to stop i've tried but it just comes out without me thinking about what i'm doing. i can give really amazing advice to others but when it comes to myself all i have are questions. i'm secretly afraid i have borderline personality disorder. I have random sex, and i drink and do drugs every day. I'm also intensly moody and when someone tries to get close to me (as in boyfriend/girlfriend wise) i test their affection for me until its to the point that they cant have any feelings for me. Plus best of all everyone in my family has intense anger issues and that didnt skip on me. when i get mad i just cant control myself around certain people with my friends its fine i can keep my angery in check no problem but when it comes to my family and signifiancant other its a whole different story. Am i really screwed up?

Last edited by Buffy; October 30th 2009 at 10:03 AM. Reason: left out information
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JackOffJill Offline
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Re: i really need some advice. i'm tired of being scared. - October 29th 2009, 01:52 PM

I really wish that I had some advice for you. I really do. But what I can tell you is that if you are screwed up (which i dont think you are) then I am in the same boat as you. I also have created my own world that I kinda live in, I lie about things a lot too. I think part of it is human nature and how our brains work. Its called self-justification. Like if you make a mistake, you make an excuse to justify that you were not wrong- its how people can be ok with themselves. So i think that part of it isnt anything wrong (personally).
I understand what you are saying about doing things without being able to stop yourself. I get that way too. For me, its like I am floating above my body- I see everything that Im doing but its like my brain isnt connected and I cant stop myself even if I dont like what Im doing. I also push people away- I have an amazing bf who I am lucky to have. He knows this about me so he knows that if I say that I want him to leave me or anything like that, that he needs to wait for me to basically come out of it before actually doing it because I dont actually want him to go. But I know how hard it is to push people away. I dont have any friends anymore besides my bf. It really is very difficult and it sound like you are having a very tough time with it. Like I said, I wish i had some advice but other than for you to know that someone else has similar experiences I dont know what else to say. I just want you to know that you arent alone, I really relate to what you are experiencing. If you ever need to talk to anyone, you can always message me.
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advice, scared, tired

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