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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
yoloyoloyolo Offline
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I am a compulsive liar. - November 21st 2009, 05:57 AM

Hey there, long time reader, first time poster.

So, I'll cut straight to the chase.

I am a compulsive liar

What I mean by that is, I lie all the time. About things that don't even matter. I'll be talking to my girlfriend about bands I've played with, and I'll bring up 3 or 4 that I know, but definitely have never played in. It doesn't even make a difference. I'll lie about people I know, where I've worked, hell, I'll even lie about what I had for dinner or what I'm doing.

I could literally be talking to someone and be on facebook and tell the person I'm on myspace.

I've moved on to first year university, and it's already started. It's cost me a position in a band, and it's cost me a friend. I feel terribly guilty about this, but I'm having difficulties stopping. I'll make the conscience decision to not lie anymore, and it'll work for, oh, say... A day, two at most. Then I go right back into it.

The thing about me, is I get excited sometimes, and I'll say or do things without thinking. Things including lying. If I'm calm, I can make a concentrated effort to not lie, but if I get excited, oh man, I toss those fibs around like candy on halloween.

Seeing a professional is out of the question. Aside from my lying, I have no real issues. If I told my parents, they'd ask "why the need to spend the money when you have no real problems?" I don't want to lose the trust they have in me, because, honestly, I'm a good kid. I've always got the backs of my friends, and I'll do anything for the people I care about. This is something that I have to deal with on my own.

Any suggestions? Even stories of your own if you, too, are a compulsive liar. This is ruining my life. Help!

Please?
   
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Re: I am a compulsive liar. - November 21st 2009, 06:22 PM

Hi larrel1!!

I hope you're having a dandy day.

Being a compulsive liar is far more common than you might think. I used to do the same thing. And sometimes - I still do. [Although not nearly as often - given the fact that I'm hyper aware of my tendency TO lie] And like you - I would lie about something when telling the truth would be perfectly fine. [Telling someone who you are talking to on Facebook that you are on MySpace is a perfect example of that]

I think - the reason people compulsively lie is because they have little to no self-confidence. They do not see themselves as being all that interesting - and can't imagine why anyone would want to be with them. So they lie as way to make themselves more appealing. No doubt - your girlfriend found the 'fact' that YOU played with '3 or 4 bands' QUITE interesting!! So for a moment or two - I'm quite sure that she thought that YOU were 'something extra special'. It would be unlikely - after all - that you would ever lie to make yourself appear more boring!!

Another reason people compulsively lie is because of their fear of rejection. A lie keeps them at a safe distance from ever truly being hurt. IF I lie to you - and you reject me - well - you didn't REALLY reject ME. You rejected my LIE. [Does that makes sense?] You rejected my 'pretend me'. And that doesn't hurt quite as badly as being rejected for being who I REALLY am.

It won't be easy to stop lying. It's never easy to stop doing something that we compulsively do. But it will become easier the more you work at it. The best thing you can do is to work on thinking BEFORE you speak. Do NOT say the first thing that comes to mind. And it's OK [Just so you know] NOT to say anything at all. Sometimes we feel as though we MUST SPEAK. But that's not always true. Saying nothing IS an option. And so is responding to a question by saying, "I'm not sure!!" Now - you might BE sure - and you might be thinking that I'm advising you to lie. But that's not the case. "I'm not sure!" - is understood by most people to mean, "I need a moment to think of an answer!!". Which would be the truth!!

Anyways.... I hope that helped.

GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!!
   
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yoloyoloyolo Offline
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Re: I am a compulsive liar. - November 22nd 2009, 04:17 AM

Thank you, Craig! Your insight is much appreciated
   
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Re: I am a compulsive liar. - November 24th 2009, 11:23 PM

I've been struggling with lying for quite a while now, and I totally get what you mean by it ruining your life. Something that's helped me is, believe it or not, realizing that I'm lying--because, at least with me, most of the time I've managed to convince myself and lie to myself so much that I almost believe that BS comming out of my mouth, if that makes any sense. Once I realized what I was doing, It was easier to stop...well, not stop, but do it less.

Also, when you catch yourself in the middle of a lie, try and fix it, even if it's a little emabressing. (I can't spell, sorry ). Say something like "Nevermind, what I meant to say was..." or "Not really, sorry." Again, it gets a little akward sometimes, but it does help.

The thing that's helped me most, however, was the hardest thing to do. One night, I was just so fed up with myself and everything and so emotional that I confided in my boyfriend about my lying. As you can imagine, things were pretty tense for a little whle, but eventually we came to an understanding and I can't tell you how much he's helped me. Unlike before, when people just assumed whatever I said was the truth, I have someone who takes what I say with a grain of salt and is sometimes even able to realize when I'm lying and call me on it. Of course, it hurts to have that trust between us so...flimsy. HOwever, I would rather earn his trust and become better for it than to hurt him constantly, sometimes without him knowing it.

Anyway, that was kind of long winded But those things are helping me...I mean, I still lie, but at least now I realize it and am trying to fix it, which is better than before, you know?

Hope I've helped a little bit...feel more than free to PM me or message me or whatever.
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