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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
3ofHearts Offline
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I can never focus on the little picture... - December 31st 2009, 01:22 AM

I'm always thinking about how everything is so much bigger than this. Then earth, life, jobs and education, romance, petty arguments. I do so to the point in which I'd call myself physically detached. I'll look in a mirror, and it'll take a few minutes to recognize myself. Like I'm a stranger in my own body, because I spend my time with my mind.

I feel like life is an ensemble of distractions. We keep ourselves busy, happy, or further ourselves in society. We attach ourselves to titles and objects because of the status or enjoyment they gives us. Aren't well all the same when it comes down to it? Scientifically speaking, we are all the same race, so therefore equal to each other. So, isn't society a bit of a joke? We order ourselves with class, stating which gets the most money, education, happiness. Stating which one gets the easy life.

Really, all of this seems to me like over complication, pointlessness. We strive to make something of ourselves, why? Self fulfillment? A sense of belonging in society?

But we are so small. This earth is just a spec of dust among millions. We are just a tiny part of something much bigger. Uh, and I'm not looking at this from a religious point of view. We are part of a universe, an incomprehensibly large universe.

I just guess I'd rather spend my time trying to find answer, trying to find more then this. In doing so, I am losing touch with my life. I feel no need to accomplish certain goals. University seems pointless to me. Partying? It's been done before. Life is mundane. It's tedious, and I have no idea how to change that. Tue every day is different from the last, but it just seems like everything is going in the same direction it always has been. Everyday is the same loop, with new information thrown in every once and awhile.

I guess what I'm wondering is if there's a problem with the way I'm thinking about this all. Am I alone in thinking like this? Insane? Or just good enough to be labeled as depressed, and have the door closed on.

“There is no truth. There is only perception.” - Gustave Flaubert

“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.”

“I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then”
-Lewis Carol

"Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man."-Zhuangzi

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LittleFish Offline
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Re: I can never focus on the little picture... - December 31st 2009, 02:09 AM

Believe me, you're not crazy: you're actually quite intelligent. You're thinking outside the box that society programed us for years to think inside of, and I know it's kind of making you feel like an outsider now. It's true, we're all small and somewhat insignificant when you think of the big picture. What's it matter if this guy over here does this and this guy over there does something else? It's not changing anything, and we all have the same daily routine anyway so it's not like anything matters. But even if our lifestyle in society is monotonous and tedious, even if we're all the same, boring specs, those who survive happily have something that they know they want to live for. So now comes the time to ask yourself, what do you want to live for? What about your life is so tedious? How do you think you could change that? Do you really want to change it? And if you changed it, what direction do you want to go in?

I know this probably isn't helping. As you said, things always seem to keep going in the same direction. My suggestion to you is that you look for what makes YOU happy, and not what's supposed to. If partying and going to college and getting a fancy job or whatever doesn't cut it for you, find out what does. That's not to say you should just give up college, but just ask yourself why you need certain aspects of your life and whether or not they'll tie into what you have in mind for the future. The one thing that separates us all is that we have our own desires, aspirations, and passions. Find out what you want to live for, and move toward it. True, you'll still be a tiny spec in a vast universe. We all will. But there's nothing we can do about that: we could set the whole world on fire, and we would still be specs. But if you find something that's worth living for and know you're doing it because you want to and not because you have to, then you've done something great. Also ask yourself why you might be losing touch with your life. Consider which aspects are worth holding onto and which you would be willing to let go of in order to find an answer.

I apologize if I was unable to help you, but trust me, you're not crazy and you're not alone: I feel this way a lot, to be honest. I won't deny that some of the things you described sounded a bit depressed, and if you really find that it's getting to you, maybe talk to a professional. That's not to say you're crazy. That's not to say you should just let them "reprogram" you into thinking inside the box again. But perhaps they might help you better understand your thoughts and feelings, at least enough so that you can put yourself on the right track--and by the right track, I mean the one that you choose for yourself and know that you want to follow. Of course, you don't have to unless you really think you need it. It's just an option to consider if this gets to be a real problem and keeps getting you down. Whatever you decide to do about these thoughts, feelings, and ideas, good luck. I hope you get things sorted out and find that answer.
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