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Voldemort Offline
Touch My Deathstick
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Name: Jade
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 153
Join Date: June 6th 2009

Red face Ranting About Things... - January 5th 2010, 04:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hello TeenHelpers
Before I start, I marked this as triggering, just incase Oh and sorry, this is quite long.
I've been a bit, annoyed with myself lately. Well for about a year now :P
Or more...
I posted a while ago, i think, about my mood swings. Last year i went through periods of time (weeks) where i would be super happy, to suicidal. But then it got worse. I started having days where i was happy then a day of depression. Then it went to having a major shift of mood every 30 mins. I hated myself so much. Then I started SHing.

When it got to 2 months of these mood swings it got to be a bit too much and then the periods of happiness faded. I then saw a councellor, hated it (not a fan of CAMHS methods) and stopped going after about 2 sessions. Trying to recover from that wasn't a fun time either. I kept telling myself to be happy, I was almost afraid of being that depressed again. Also very afraid of my parents, they use it against me too, saying things like ''just because you harm yourself when you get upset, dosen't mean we're going to let you have your own way.'' This may be true, but it dosen't stop the fact i hate it when they say it, and it makes me want to hit them.

After about 3 months, everything seemed to be going well. Then at about christmas, things took a turn for the worst. I started cutting again, and stopped eating. Also, my physical health has taken a turn for the worst. Yippee.
Well, I have limited myself to cutting about twice a week (which im happy with ) but I have another problem. The mood swings are back, but anger is more prominent. One thing and I lash out. For example, this morning my best friends boyfriend stole something of mine, I shouted at him, then when he gave it back a few seconds later slapped him as hard as I could. His skin was still red 2 hours later. I feel really bad about it (as I should) and I hate myself for doing it. I keep telling myself I won't, but lying to myself isn't helping anyone. Especially the people who I'm closest to, I tend to vent my anger on them. My mum had anger management when she was 18, but theres no way in hell I'm going to talk to her about this.

So, yeah
Thanks for reading, I didn't realise how long it was.
Mariaa x

Dance like you mean it.

Buddy from 4th January 2010 - 16th March 2010... Buddy again from 8th September 2010 - October 16th 2011
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ranting, things

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