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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Automatic Joy
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Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 32
Join Date: January 6th 2010

Sick of this - January 12th 2010, 06:32 PM

I have bipolar disorder and I'm absolutely sick of it now. It's controlling my life. I sometimes can't even go to college because I feel too depressed. I'm lucky that my tutor is understanding about it but I'm still tired of it because I absolutely love college, even though it's stressful. The mania isn't any better.

I'm really sick of it. All I want is to be able to function normally. I feel so alone...

"Throw me around, break me, use me, and leave me
Poison me, blind me
Do whatever you want to do
Iím yours to destroy
All I want is to be free"

"Clinging onto lost hope
Trying to find myself again
Am I remembered or forgotten like a passing stranger?"
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Join Date: December 14th 2009

Re: Sick of this - January 12th 2010, 08:48 PM

Its hard, indeed. Well, seems so, at least.

I'm not diagnosed, but I have a good chance of having Bipolar Type II. Basically, I know what its like to have depressed days in college. I just forced myself to get through it, though I wasn't too well off... Didn't help when I was triggered. And when I had a manic-y episode, well, that didn't go much better. Sure, I was ready for school with plenty of time to spare, but I mean, there were more downsides in the end. Like lack of focus on my work because my mind was at a rave. o_O

It's not impossible to get through college, but it is rather hard. I loved it, but yes, it was also alot of stress. Sometimes I'd run off to the bathroom to cry, or skip a stressful class and try to take it easy in the lounge, with my MP3 player on. You'll be able to do it, I believe in you. You'll just have to try real hard at it. Don't let this get the best of you. My friend, who has Bipolar Type I, dropped out. It was overwhelming for her when she had depressive episodes, between that and a possible sleeping disorder, she was either so peppy that she felt more inclined to socialize than go to class sometimes, or she was depressed to the point she didn't want to get out of bed, or she wanted to skip class to just cheer up with some friends.

Remember, you're not alone. And I really do believe in you. I was in the same spot as you, and it just took extra effort, but it was possible.

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