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Cupcake352 Offline
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20 and still shy - April 29th 2010, 08:36 AM

i've been shy and introverted my whole life but i thought by twenty and two years in college i would've changed to be more social than this. i still have trouble connecting with people and making friends. It's almost a miracle i managed to start dating my first bf at 19 ( who i am still with). the first step i can think of that i need to do is get out of my dorm room more. i just have social anxiety to some extent. I feel like if i could break free of it I would be able to be so much more free and expressive( in a good way). What to do...
counselor? Join a sorority? force myself to get a job as something like a waitress? I'm not sure.
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Re: 20 and still shy - April 30th 2010, 11:17 AM

hey jacquie.

I understand that you have felt social anxiety. But as with everything else, it can be overcome if you will yourself to overcome this psychologically. Once the psychological block is gone, you can overcome anything and everything that comes your way. I think that the options that you are considering are actually good options in a way.. but don't force yourself to get a job that you don't like. Remember that it feels better and more comfortable when you like whatever you are doing =)

I know it all seems tough for now, but hang in there. Remember that you can overcome this.. don't think that you cant.. because we all know you can do it. I too was once shy (maybe i still am, i don't know) but i somehow managed to overcome this. If i can, then you definitely can.

Remember that if you have any worries or any negative experiences or feelings of any kind, feel free to tell it to us. We'll listen and try to help.

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Re: 20 and still shy - April 30th 2010, 06:59 PM

Social anxiety is very difficult to deal with and work around. I have had social anxiety all my life. I also am in college right now. I tried to go away to school but it was too hard for me to connect with people and everything so I commute to school instead.
I wish I had some good advise as to how to connect with people but its very difficult for me as well. I would say look into what your school offers as far as counseling- i know a lot of school offer group counseling. this is a good and safe way to come together with some people who are experiencing similar things. sometimes with these groups you can find someone who you are able to become great friends with in the end.
What I had one of my friends do to help me was to have a small get together at his house because I did not know many of his friends. it was a way for me to talk to people I didnt know and start to get comfortable being more social, but it was also safe because i was with my friend who I knew I could go to if I felt anxious. Maybe if your boyfriend has a group a friends or something, he can have them hang out with u and him as a way for you to start connecting to some people.
Being shy and having social anxiety can be paralyzing, especially in college. but it seems like you really want to change and try to work past it. look into groups, or even clubs that you can join. Maybe join a club where its very activity based instead of social based to ease yourself into it---like an outdoor adventure club- that way you are moving and not just sitting and trying to talk to people.
I hope that something I said might be able to help you.
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Re: 20 and still shy - May 10th 2010, 09:57 AM

Cupcake your suggestion about forcing yourself to get a job might be a good one.
To begin with I was definitely out of my comfort zone but because you can't just back away and retreat it makes you face being in a public environment and talking to people you don't know.
It definitely gets easier the more you do it and you usually haven't got to hold down long conversation more like passing chit chat.
Good luck, hope all goes well
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Re: 20 and still shy - May 10th 2010, 05:09 PM

Hey there Jacquie,

It is not strange to still be shy when you're 20 years old - some people can remain shy for almost all of their lives. However, it's really good that you're noticing that you could be more social and that you're willing and wanting to overcome your shyness.

I honestly think that you have thought of some very good ideas in attempts to overcome your shyness. Getting out of your dorm room, perhaps even with the people you're with to start off with and give you some more confidence, could help you begin to socialise more. Socialising is the key - it is hard, but it gets easier and will lead to more and more opportunities. Joining clubs or something where you can meet people with the same interests as you may also help. It's good to start meeting people that you may at least have something in common with!

Talking to a counsellor is another option as you've already recognised. As you think that you have social anxiety, talking through that could help with a counsellor and they may be able to help offer you options or coping methods.

Take care.
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