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Question What should I do and how to do it? - May 7th 2010, 02:39 AM

I believe that I may be a danger. I've never been the most sympathetic even in childhood, but after the potential death of my sister (to which I, unlike my family, was very bored with) last year I'm considering it's a severe lack of empathy. I do not know many other emotions except the very occasional anger. When I feel this people know to stay away and have admitted fear of me in this condition.
I would normally not be so worried to this except for a recent fascination with death. In particular, I'm fascinated with serial killers. I've spent two full, sleepless nights viewing beautiful crime scenes and learning about some of the most famous murderers as well as watching horror movies with my favorite fictional killers. I feel something for them when I read of - or watch - their incarcerations or deaths. I spend many hours considering how I'd kill my victims (and I get a chill just considering having a victim). I've only felt bits and pieces of this strong desire to think of this, but now it's controlling much of my thoughts.
The last segment that really got me concerned was an answer to a question I made on Yahoo! Answers on impulse. The answerer pointed out that it definitely is not right that the only reason I do not act on my fantasies is because I would only be in grief for the other realistic aspirations for my life's destruction instead of grief for my victim(s); and this is true. I then thought of what would happen if I wasn't for any reason able to complete at least a few of my quite simple goals in life, and I knew that if such happened I would have no inhibitions against becoming one of those whom I find so amazing: a serial killer.
It's simple, I believe. I need to help myself now so that I won't ruin myself later. Do I need therapy? Do I speak to my mother (who, might I add, is disgusted at any sign of how I feel about murder)?
Whatever a solution is, I will do nothing that will make me intentionally abolish what I want to do in life.


Edit: I completely forgot to add that I have viewed some common traits of Psychopathy and Sociopathy as well as anti-social disorders. I will not list them, but I have certain traits professionally associated with Psychopathy, but not narcissism.

Last edited by Palm; May 7th 2010 at 02:45 AM. Reason: Forgot to add a little bit.
   
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Re: What should I do and how to do it? - May 7th 2010, 06:54 AM

Maybe you just have a strong desire to be in power, or in charge of a sittuation. These feelings could be the result of supressed emotions of feeling weak or unworthy?

Since you are starting to border at these extreme emotions, I'd think that there have been extreme supressions of yourself, by yourself or others.

My two cents anyway.


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Re: What should I do and how to do it? - May 7th 2010, 07:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palm View Post

Whatever a solution is, I will do nothing that will make me intentionally abolish what I want to do in life.
The question is, just what do you want to do in life? You've stated that your fascination with serial killers (something many people share) is recent and one may argue it's inappropriate but the question I have is not whether it is appropriate or not but what elicited the fascination? As you said, it's recent do despite how you make have acted and behaved before this fascination, something "clicked" and got you interested, something that probably had to do with the death of your sister unless similar events occurred. Many people do get interested in serial killers although few act on such impulses. Since the fascination is recent, the question is will the duration of it be brief? Given that it is brief, I question if therapy would be required.

Another thing I'm curious about is what exactly fascinates you about serial killers? Sure they all killed but then again soldiers kill also, so it's perhaps something about how they killed/were fascinated with or their behavior/personality. So what exactly fascinates you about them and death?

You mentioned psychopathy and certain traits associated with it (no need to state the ones you have as judging from your post one could estimate the ones you may have) so the obvious questions entail risk assessment, such as have you ever committed crimes, been very impulsive even when the results were negative and so forth?
   
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Re: What should I do and how to do it? - May 7th 2010, 07:43 AM

If you're fantasizing about killing people, there's no question that that's just not right. If I were you, I wouldn't wait around looking for other symptoms or try to figure out if you truly need therapy or not. The moment you start wondering what it would be like to kill someone and daydreaming about doing so is the moment that you need professional help. What you've described definitely doesn't sound normal to me, and I don't think you should be taking it lightly at all. Unless you want to end up possibly spending your life in prison, I think you should seriously consider seeking professional help.

On the other hand, your fascination with serial killers might simply be a curiosity and a desire to understand exactly how killers think and feel. You might simply be fascinated and not intent on committing such an act. But only you can know for certain. If you've started to honestly fear yourself, then I think you definitely need to get into therapy.





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Re: What should I do and how to do it? - May 8th 2010, 08:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WOW!USaidSomethingSmart! View Post
The question is, just what do you want to do in life? You've stated that your fascination with serial killers (something many people share) is recent and one may argue it's inappropriate but the question I have is not whether it is appropriate or not but what elicited the fascination? As you said, it's recent do despite how you make have acted and behaved before this fascination, something "clicked" and got you interested, something that probably had to do with the death of your sister unless similar events occurred. Many people do get interested in serial killers although few act on such impulses. Since the fascination is recent, the question is will the duration of it be brief? Given that it is brief, I question if therapy would be required.

Another thing I'm curious about is what exactly fascinates you about serial killers? Sure they all killed but then again soldiers kill also, so it's perhaps something about how they killed/were fascinated with or their behavior/personality. So what exactly fascinates you about them and death?

You mentioned psychopathy and certain traits associated with it (no need to state the ones you have as judging from your post one could estimate the ones you may have) so the obvious questions entail risk assessment, such as have you ever committed crimes, been very impulsive even when the results were negative and so forth?
It may seem a little funny actually - if I could do anything I'd be a nurse. Mother's ensured that the goal to never be incarcerated is always present as well.
What made it "click" had actually nothing to do with the near death of my sister or any experiences. After reading a summary of Richard T. Chase and seeing what he did to his victims in a few crime scene photos, I found myself needing much more of this.
I am not sure on the duration. Nothing previously has entered my life so forcefully and left with its due though.
Serial killers have preformed 'inhumane' acts on live persons in the past. These are the ones I can appreciate. Soldiers kill people, but do they all do so enjoying the torture of their victims? It is painful and merciless death that intrigues me. I've very many questions about torture and what human flesh would taste like. So many scenarios with hundreds of gooey questions are what makes it stick.
I stole as a very young child, but that is all. Circumstances make it useless. It is pointless to do something that will fail or do no good, and I find attention-seeking simply nauseating. As for impulses, they've always visited me near daily in many degrees. I have great tolerance and control for the most part. They are quite rarely impulses to do good, all have bad effects. That doesn't stop me from imagining as many detailed synopsis as I can to satisfy myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightOfNyx View Post

On the other hand, your fascination with serial killers might simply be a curiosity and a desire to understand exactly how killers think and feel. You might simply be fascinated and not intent on committing such an act. But only you can know for certain. If you've started to honestly fear yourself, then I think you definitely need to get into therapy.
I've heady curiosity to see into the head of a killer. I would also like to know how it feels to kill someone first-hand. Which out-ways which? Curiosity or, what I gather from this paragraph, dangerous insanity?
Fear of myself and fear for myself are two different things separated by a couple small letters.
   
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Re: What should I do and how to do it? - May 9th 2010, 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palm View Post
It may seem a little funny actually - if I could do anything I'd be a nurse. Mother's ensured that the goal to never be incarcerated is always present as well.
It's actually not that surprising when you look at the careers of former serial killers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palm View Post
What made it "click" had actually nothing to do with the near death of my sister or any experiences. After reading a summary of Richard T. Chase and seeing what he did to his victims in a few crime scene photos, I found myself needing much more of this.
So is it perhaps the fact that it's something that pumps more adrenaline and you're going for this because the increased adrenaline makes you feel better? When anyone watches or sees something gory, their heart races, more adrenaline pumps and so forth. Some people love the euphoric feeling that it produces not necessarily because they like whatever they're watching but rather the feeling is what they love and perhaps come to crave.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palm View Post
I am not sure on the duration. Nothing previously has entered my life so forcefully and left with its due though.
Serial killers have preformed 'inhumane' acts on live persons in the past. These are the ones I can appreciate. Soldiers kill people, but do they all do so enjoying the torture of their victims? It is painful and merciless death that intrigues me. I've very many questions about torture and what human flesh would taste like. So many scenarios with hundreds of gooey questions are what makes it stick.
Interesting, most serial killers don't begin on humans but rather on non-human animals at a young age but this is recent so I'm assuming you have not done this. Could simply be you're experiencing something that provides you with freedom, possibly letting out anger in any expressed form and hormones can exaggerate all these behaviors. Since it has entered your life so abruptly, it may seem to remove many of the constraints surrounding your life and society, which you favour.

I cannot answer the question regarding soldiers because I'm not sure. I do know that there were some soldiers or people involving in wars notorious for the torture and inhumane acts they performed on others.

I won't lie, this behavior is rather alarming and if you do tell it to the average person or doctor, it sends red flags waving all over the place. I'm still focused on the fact that you say it's fairly recent and given that many people do at one point have a fascination with serial killers but not act on any imaginations, it may simply be that: a pure fascination for understanding behavior of some of the most puzzling people. I find the behaviors very interesting and have studied some forensic psychology with FBI and RCMP agents, as well as professors/researchers.
   
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