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LlamaLlamaDuck Offline
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Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? - May 17th 2010, 08:33 PM

Hey there
I think I just really need some opinions on this, because it's confusing me a bit.
So I saw a psych nurse about a month ago and after talking to me for about 40/45 minutes he basically said that he wouldn't go as far as to say I have schizophrenia but that I do 'present with minor tendencies'. Which, from what I told him, basically was that I get really paranoid, don't like having people behind me or whispering around me, I constantly think I'm being watched and that people can see what I'm thinking etc.

He also said he didn't want to put me on anything because it would 'do more harm than good'. So I just, not knowing anything about the disorder anyway, accepted that and assumed it was nothing serious since he told me I'd get over it.

I was talking to a close friend last night (that I'm sure I told before) and mentioned it in passing, he got kinda upset and told me it was serious and not something people get over, so tonight I went onto this website which basically also says that hallucinations are a common thing. My friend had asked me if I had that and I said no because, as far as I was concerned, that meant seeing things that weren't there.

But I do see things out of the corner of my eye, black shapes and stuff, I'm really into the paranormal and still associate them with that, I'm not worried. The site also says that hearing voices is a hallucination. It's not that I hear them as such, its more like my own voice inside my head saying things that I'm not conscious of thinking? If that makes sense.
Like 'If you don't do X then Y will get hurt' X generally being something weird like jumping over a wall, doing something a certain way etc.

I also hear myself saying, usually when I'm doing something private like showering or whatever 'You know X can see you right now' with X being a close friend, family member, even someone random like a doctor or someone I talked to. I have to consciously tell myself 'No they can't' but also have to make compromise like 'They can see me if they want when I'm done here' or 'They can't now but in 5 minutes if they want'

Just little things like that weird things. It doesn't have to be a certain person, I just generally assume that I'm always being watched, I hate CCTV cameras, my blinds and curtains must always be closed. When I'm in the kitchen, I hate preparing or getting food because I feel like the people who live backing onto our garden can see me and judge me. I always feel like there are people outside when it's dark and have to have blinds and curtains closed in whichever room I'm in. I'm convinced there is someone in my cupboard no matter how many times I check.

I know that this is pretty long, it's probably more a rant than anything else. I think I just need some opinions. Most of what I mentioned, I didn't say to the psych nurse because I didn't really think of it and it didn't seem important at the time.
I'm going back in 3 months to see him, should I mention it?


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Re: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? - May 18th 2010, 06:53 PM

No, you're just paranoid.

jk

Yes you should mention it lol. You don't go to an eye doctor and forget to mention your eye shoots lasers every time you sneeze.




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Re: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? - May 18th 2010, 08:03 PM

I understand how you're feeling about the being watched, being whispered about, seeing things out of the corner of your eye and the bit about being scared of someone hiding in the cupboard.

All of that doesn't seem out of the ordinary as I know a few people that have the same feelings about those things. The thing that does sound strange is the voice you heard that says "If you don't do X then Y will get hurt" I think that's something you definitely should mention to the psych nurse as it could start to get worse.


   
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Re: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? - May 19th 2010, 12:48 AM

Meh ... you've said pretty much what I think a lot ... maybe I should mention it?? Nah ... I think it's pretty normal to 'see' stuff out of the corner of your eye, or to have that little voice saying "do X or Y will happen." Happens more to me when I'm stressed though! Geez, I hate it when Y actually happens when I haven't done X (mainly cos I am through playing mind games with them!!)!


So much for that idea ...

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Re: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?? - May 19th 2010, 07:32 PM

Thanks for the replies, I think I just need to sit down with her and talk to her about it, some of this is getting a bit out of control, to the point where I'm so scared of being watched that I avoid eating and don't really do..anything. It's really not fun, I'll see if she can help.
But thanks, good to know I'm not the only one


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