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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
EternallyRob Offline
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Question Why don't I care? - May 25th 2010, 01:51 PM

Lately I've just been feeling a lack of desire, and I lack of care, for mostly anything... this morning my mum was reading an article about someone who in World War 2 travelled 250 miles across Germany on foot for 2 months back to his hometown to find his parents because he was scared they were dead. She asked me if I would do something like that and I just said 'I dunno. Probably not. Seems illogical.' I just don't seem to care about friends, family... my grandma's health is deteriorating and when I came back from town (can't for the life of me remember why I went in, I barely ever leave my house) I came back to find that my parents had gone to my grandma's which is just down the road, so I headed down there and on my way a 'Private Ambulance' (hearse) passed in the same direction I was travelling and I assumed that my grandma had died. I felt a little pang of shock, and then nothing. I was shocked that I seemed to care that little. (She was alright in the end, but she's in hospital now. That's another story.)

I have no close friends in real life. I have one friend who I've known for 6 years (we'll call him 'S') who I feel comfortable joking around with but I would never tell him any of this, or anything about my feelings. Apart from him there isn't really anything that I could call close friends (I go to an all-boys school and for the first 3 years was bullied a lot, had very few friends friends apart from in the second year one guy who was my best friend and was awesome and we saw each other every weekend and had sleepovers every weekend until he turned around one day and said 'I don't like you anymore' and he and his friends started to bully me, going so far as to come round my house and through pine cone and stuff at my windows and house one time :\)

I just resorted to having friends online through forums and games and such and I've lived like this for the past 4 years. Last time I went out was my birthday last year :\

I had a few of kind of close friends last year, a little group, (including the one kid, 'S', who I mentioned earlier), and we made a group of four. Two of them left last year, including the one who I was probably closest too, and only S was left... and talking to him's just kind of awkward, he's a nice kid but we're not very overly 'close'.

(Sorry, kind of went off on a tangent there about friends, got a little too into writing)

Don't get me wrong, I REALLY want to be able to care about things, and to care about people and to want things in life, but I don't... I don't know why, but I just don't. I don't want anything in life, I have no career desires, apart from the fact that I enjoy writing and want to eventually write books... but I'm doing science stuff at the moment in school so that'll be a part-time job/hobby thing I guess.

What's wrong with me, why am I feeling this way, and what can I do to solve the way I've turned out?
   
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Prozac Offline
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Re: Why don't I care? - May 25th 2010, 02:40 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling quite apathetic about things lately. I can understand why that may be distressing or infuriating for you.

However, I don't really think that your reactions seem all that unusual in regards to some things. It is understandable that you wouldn't know what to do if someone died, a lot of people would simply reply that they don't know. I wouldn't immediately know and I wouldn't particularly want to think about it deeply and so I would try and detatch from the emotions related to grieving and death. Often, we do chose to try and 'not care' or detach from our feelings.

It is not uncommon to feel apathetic sometimes. Hopefully, your empathetic or sympathetic feelings will come to you if you open up. If this is really concerning you, though, please feel free to try and talk to someone about your issues, such as a counsellor.

Take care.
   
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JackOffJill Offline
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Re: Why don't I care? - May 25th 2010, 03:59 PM

Do you think that maybe you dont "care" about anything because of the fact that you do not have any close friends and were bullied a lot? Like do you think that you kind of learned to shut people out in order to not be hurt by them? I know that when I was extremely depressed 4 years ago I didnt "care" about anyone and that was because I didnt really have anyone in my life, I was more or less alone. So I felt like if I didnt "care" then it wouldnt hurt me as much. It was a way to build up walls for me to protect myself from the world. It sounds like you may not be "caring" about stuff as a defense mechanism as well.
You said that the last time you left your house was your birthday last year....does that mean like leaving completely or do you go outside, but just not go "out" like to the movies and stuff? Because if you do not go out of your house at all, maybe you can try to go for a walk each day. If you live on a quiet road you can go for a 10-15 walk everyday. Sometimes exercising can get you motivated to do things. Also it will be a way to leave your house without having to be around too many people yet. From there you can build up to going into town and doing some things by yourself. Just leaving your house may get you motivated to some extent. I know that it is very difficult to make friends and to try to connect with people- I have a lot of issues with that myself for unfortunately I do not have any advice for how you can possibly make some friends, but just doing the little things that I suggested can help.
If you are concerned about your lack of "caring" you can look into seeing a counselor. That could really help you in a lot of ways.
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