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JackOffJill Offline
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Therapy HELP! - June 15th 2010, 06:42 PM

I wasnt sure where to put this.....

Ok so if anyone has read my thread in relationship and dating you will know that I have trouble staying loyal to my boyfriend, both physically and online (I go on webcam a lot with people). Anyways, so last week I finally told my therapist about it and my doctor because I may be bipolar. But now for the real issue I am having:

I dont know how to talk to my therapist about the things I have to talk about. There are a LOT of reasons that I do what I do and that influence my behavior. And I have never talked to a professional about them because I hate crying in front of people and this stuff is so difficult for me to talk about.
I dont know how to open up and to be comfortable telling my therapist theses things. Some of it is due to embarrassment, but mostly its because I dont want to cry.
I have to talk about my friend who was murdered 9 years ago after she met up with a guy she met online. Thats a big one for me. I cant get over it especially because I am doing the same thing she did. I mean you think I would learn! Everytime I think about her I cry, so how am I going to talk about it?
I have to talk about my extremely low self esteem because I go on cam and meet guys because it makes me feel wanted and needed. It makes me feel pretty and sexy and beautiful. After its over I feel like crap so I do it over again to get those good feelings back- yes its like a drug.
And finally I have to talk about sexual abuse which I cant even write about. I cant do it. If I cant even write about it how am I supposed to talk about it? I mean it was my fault! I put myself into the situations! I let it happen!

Im sorry this is so long. I just need help in figuring out how to open up to my therapist so that I can address this crap so that I can get better because I hate who I am. Please, I need help.

"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person." -Gerard Way
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DarkSeph Offline
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Re: Therapy HELP! - June 15th 2010, 06:56 PM

As hard as it may be to accept, it is ok to cry. For most people it's a form of releasing stress and built up depression. Your therapist is trained and well used to people crying and will be able to comfort and reassure you. She will also respect the fact you were able to talk about something that upsetting. Don't see crying as a weakness, it takes a great deal of courage.

If you're unable to talk about those things right away, take it slowly. Instead just try to let your therapist know that you have a great deal on your mind that you really want to talk about but can't. That way she can help you gradually feel comfortable enough to talk about it. She is trained to be able to help people who find it difficult to talk and she can help with that. When you do start talking to her, go slowly and try to work on the less difficult topics first and gradually work your way up to the more upsetting ones.

And most importantly believe in yourself. ^^ Be proud of the fact you've come this far and remind yourself that you are strong enough to get through this. Try not to blame yourself for anything. Hang in there and best of luck!

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