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I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 19th 2010, 11:15 PM

I hate school-like scenarios. I was bullied a lot in high school so I think that may be why :/ I was gaining slightly more confidence/self-esteem in my very last year of primary school but it got stolen from me thanks to the bullying ____

I'm very very shy in school-like settings. I'm also shy with a lot of people my age around me who I don't know. I fear I may say/do something stupid if I talk.

The weird thing is I'm completely fine otherwise. In a shop I will ask the workers where something is if I can't find it, if I'm in a one-to-one conversation with a new person I'm fine etc. It's more with people my age (3 or more people) I'm shy around :/ I think I just fear they may bully me so I shut up as much as possible for them to try and not notice me.

I'm starting college again in September and I know I can't deal with me the quiet girl in the corner who barely talks all year again :| People tend to think I'm quite stuck up >____< I'm not at all, I'd love to talk to new people my age more, I just kind it really hard.

Any help? :/ I think I may have posted a similar thread before but I think that was more asking what was wrong with me than how I can help myself.


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Re: I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 19th 2010, 11:21 PM

That is not uncommon if you have been bullied and some people are just shy.

The biggest piece of advice is to start out slow. For example you may go to a gathering with only a few of your peers.

If you have a roommate that would a good way to slowly meet peers meet just one or two of her friends at a time.

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Re: I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 20th 2010, 10:34 AM

I still live with my parents. A few days ago I was at my friend's BBQ with him, about four people I knew and 5 people I didn't. I could only talk to them when I got a bit drunk :/


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Re: I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 21st 2010, 07:24 PM

I know it's hard but the only way to break through this cycle is to put yourself out there. I'd start out slow, maybe you could pick one or two people in each class that sit near you or seem interesting, and make it a point to say hi, how are you? to them each class. After you feel more comfortable with that maybe you could try asking them for help with school stuff, or tell them you like their shirt/jewelry/whatever. The conversation will probably grow from there, which might seem scary but just keep in mind it's just one person. It'll come more naturally after awhile. Good luck :]
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Re: I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 21st 2010, 10:11 PM

The weird thing is I always have conversational starters in my head I just can't bring myself to say them :| If I do they normally come out wrong. I remember in my old class everyone was talking about rock and metal bands with female vocalists and they were saying that not many women can scream that well. I come into the conversation and said "Aw, I think Lacey Mosley from Flyleaf is quite good" We kind of got talking but they were just looking at me strangely :/ I think it was because I had rarely talked before and just come out with that.


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Re: I'm only shy in certain social situations - June 21st 2010, 10:19 PM

I really hate group situations too, though for slightly different reasons.

I think the best thing you can do is try to tackle the problem head on. Take it gradually, perhaps first try talking to classmates in one-on-one situations. If you see someone with a similar hobby try showing interest, or if someone needs help try offering, or if you meet them on their own anywhere try a friendly hello and even a little casual conversation if you can. Friendships can happen from the most unlikely situations, and any form of social contact at all can help. Once you make a few friends, group situations might seem a little less intimidating too if you have friends among that group. Keep trying anyway, even the tiniest bit of progress can help your confidence and it will all build up eventually.

Don't worry about people thinking you're stuck up either. Most people know others can be shy and they'll most likely understand. And you're an awesome person, once they get to know you, you'll be fine. Try to keep confident in yourself.

Really hope college goes well for you, best of luck with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Regina Phalange View Post
The weird thing is I always have conversational starters in my head I just can't bring myself to say them :| If I do they normally come out wrong. I remember in my old class everyone was talking about rock and metal bands with female vocalists and they were saying that not many women can scream that well. I come into the conversation and said "Aw, I think Lacey Mosley from Flyleaf is quite good" We kind of got talking but they were just looking at me strangely :/ I think it was because I had rarely talked before and just come out with that.
EDIT: Guess I missed that while I was typing this post.

That's mainly the problem I have in group situations. I can think of things to say, but I fear they won't be interesting or I'll say something weird without realizing it. And unfortunately, since I'm so shy normally, when I do speak people stop in surprise and go quiet and I feel awkward. ^^;

From personal experience, the only thing you can do here is put aside your fears and keep trying. It can be extremely difficult when people give you the "whoa....omg you spoke?!" expression and glances, but given a little time they'll accept it and happily make you a part of the conversation.


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Last edited by DarkSeph; June 21st 2010 at 10:26 PM.
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