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shrinkingviolet Offline
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Question How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 02:59 AM

There was a lot of domestic violence I was exposed to as a child. I was abused as well, mildly, by my stepmother, little things like being spanked and getting my mouth washed out for really stupid reasons.

I was also exposed to a lot of emotional abuse by one of my grandparents.


I have a lot of anxiety - I stress over really little things for long periods of time, like giving a speech in class. Even when it's over, I am still stressing about it, even after I see my grade. I think "What were people thinking when they heard my speech?" and when I ask them, I still worry they're lying to me. I am like this about everything.


I can hang out with my friends easily, but when I get home I feel emotionally and mentally exhausted, no matter what we were doing, and even if I'm not physically tired. I feel like it took a lot of effort for me to go hang out, even if it really didn't.



I HAVE to make other people happy, even if they aren't upset. If I'm sitting with a bunch of people I feel this need to make them laugh, or make them feel good, or just make them smile. I don't feel accomplished if I don't, and I also feel like they hate me - even if I know for a fact they don't.



I let people walk all over me. I give in really easily. I lose a lot of money this way. ("Can I please borrow a dollar?")


I know that some of this can come from being exposed to violence, but I feel like if I know this I should be able to overcome it, but I can't, so I don't feel like all of these behavioral and mental issues are completely because of the violence.



   
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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 05:24 AM

I have the exact same problems as you. I also had a lot of violence in the home as well. I'm not sure if the behavior is related to the violence at all, but it could be. Maybe seeing all those people being hurt & feeling bad about themselves & stuff made you become hyper-aware of other peoples feelings. Its like you dont want to ever in a million years make someone feel the way you and the people you loved did when you were abused. Its a hard thing to cope with i know, because you're always on edge about things and when you're with your friends it drains you because you're putting on a show to help them feel good, when really you're the one who needs the help. (or thats how it is for me anyways.) I dont really know what to tell you to do about this, but just know you're not the only one who does it and feels that way.


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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 02:01 PM

I just find it hard solving a problem without violence since i've gotten older.
Quick way to solve alot of problems, even though I truly know that isn't right ... at the moment it seems it.

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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 02:10 PM

I am exactly like you and my dad was very agressive, he broke into my house once and started breaking stuff. I have all the same problems as you. Also, I find it really hard to be around people who are angry, I get very worked up and tend to have panic attacks. I cry and get very upset if people shout, even if it's just a teacher yelling at the class I can't take it.


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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 02:43 PM

Quote:
Also, I find it really hard to be around people who are angry, I get very worked up and tend to have panic attacks. I cry and get very upset if people shout, even if it's just a teacher yelling at the class I can't take it.
I'm exactly the same way. I'm hypersensitive to how ppl feel too... I tend to shy away from them though now.

I remember when I was young if anyone said anything negative to me or if I did something wrong, even on accident i would sit there and scold myself for it, and feel really bad. For instance, one day I was at the pool, and I got too close to where the kids went down the water slide and the lifeguard blew the whistle and told me to move back. I was in pieces and I almost cried and i got soooo mad at myself.... i thaught about it for like an hour. I have trouble with dwelling on what people say, so when someone yells at me I feel like I just commited an unforgivable sin.


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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 07:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by darkinnocenteyes View Post
I remember when I was young if anyone said anything negative to me or if I did something wrong, even on accident i would sit there and scold myself for it, and feel really bad.
...
I have trouble with dwelling on what people say, so when someone yells at me I feel like I just commited an unforgivable sin.
I'm exactly the same way. Minor things, that really shouldn't upset me, send me spiraling downward. For instance, if a teacher asks me to stop talking during class. (This doesn't happen too often, as I'm usually really shy and quiet. It does happen on occasion, though, especially if I'm placed near one of my friends.) Most girls would just let it roll right off, but I get all caught up in thinking about it, certain that the teacher "hates" me now. Never mind that talking in class is quite a common offense in high school that teachers are more or less used to.

I do believe this behavior stems from my exposure to violence. When I was little, if I didn't make my parents happy, I got hurt. It was the same with a neighborhood boy who continually abused me physically and emotionally for years. I think this mentality was just ingrained in my mind after such a long time. I fear people's reactions. I feel like if I make one mistake, they're going to unleash some ungodly wrath upon me and shun me for the rest of my life. It's crazy.
   
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Re: How does being exposed to violence affect you? - June 24th 2010, 07:47 PM

The scholding too is a big problem, especially with authority figures.

I also have a very sarcastic attitude, I don't know if that's from the violence or not, but honestly if I'm not being sarcastic I'm not saying anything.

A lot of people comment that I'm overly-polite, almost to the point to where it seems fake. But I don't think of myself as overly-polite, sometimes I think people aren't polite enough.
   
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