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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
iMuse Offline
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What's wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? - June 27th 2010, 07:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know whats wrong with me, or how to fix it... Please help me

I've been having anxiety attacks for a few days now, I always knew that someone was following me, I would start to shake and I would look around like crazy. I couldn't concentrate at all.

Then, last night, I realised something. I had been trying to put a name to this person that was following me, and then I realised who it was.

At Christmas, I was really bored at this concert, so I decided to draw. I drew a character called "Mr Fire-Escape Man". He is a haunting figure, he has a round face, three scribbled circles, two eyes and a mouth. it only has his head, and his body. His body is thick, black lines, completely straight. They fill the whole page, it's a bit like a spider web. He is a very haunting character.

A man looked at me, he stared, he couldn't take his eyes off me, thats when I knew that Mr FEM could take over bodies. I don't believe in God or spirits or demons, but he was definitely a human at times.

Last night, I realised that it was him that was following me, then it all got a whole lot worse.

At first, I was scared, as he would always threaten me, I would have to do his bidding, or else. So I did. That night it got so much worse. First, I heard him under my bed, I could hear him breathe and his stomach growl, it was definitely not me breathing, it was him. I could hear him move, then he started to posses me. He threatened me again, saying that he would "do it". He never told me what he would do. He made me see lines where there were none. I wanted to kill myself, I was so scared, I was crying so much. He would control how I moved, he controlled how I typed, it took all my might not to stop typing (I was telling Snowstorm about him)

Thats when he made a deal with me, he said that if I cut myself, he would let me turn on my light. I, of course, took up his offer, turned on my light, and started to cut the lines of his body into my legs. He then told me, that I needed a sharper weapon, and that I would get one by the end of the week, or else.

I feel his head behind mine every moment.

I tried to not obey him today, but it didn't work. I didn't obey him, and then, he showed me a preview of just what he can do.

I was walking home from the shops with my mum, and then, my mum was opening the door, and I looked down the street, I saw a girl, about 16, getting pushed, kicked, punched and having her hair pulled as she was trying to escape a man and a woman trying to get her into a car. There was nothing I could do, my mum made me come inside, a minute later, I had managed to convince her that the girl really was in danger (she wouldn't let me outside). We went outside, and the car was gone. The last thing I saw of her, was her being pushed into the car. I told the police, I did all I could, but she hasn't come back. I feel so guilty. It reminded me of when I was almost abducted and raped. I feel so bad

I can barely move anymore, I have no energy, even though I'm eating my normal amount of food. I keep collapsing on the stairs and falling over. I can't spend more than two minutes standing up or I hit the floor.

Mr FEM only comes at night, and I can feel him creeping over me.

He won't let me get therapy, he physically won't allow me, as he controls all my actions, but he does let me post it on here, because he knows that it makes me even more scared when I talk about it.

I haven't talked to any family about Mr FEM, they know that I've drawn him before, but they don't know that he controls me.

If he isn't gone in three months, I will kill myself. I can't go on living with him, its tearing me apart, I can barely type. This is taking all my energy.

That is a VERY brief description of what is going wrong, I'm also clinically depressed.

Please tell me whats wrong with me, and how to get him to go away, I'm scared of what he will to me and everyone around me. The kidnapper is still around, who is to say that he won't abduct me, my family or friends? Mr FEM is unstoppable, and I can't disobey him. He is getting more and more violent, I don't know what he will make me do tonight...

PLEASE HELP ME! I WANT HIM TO GO!


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kelly2011 Offline
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Re: What's wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? - July 11th 2010, 09:44 AM

Look at this link http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sch...CTION=symptoms
and see if anything on there relates to what you are talking about. im not to familiar with this disorder seeing as i dont have it but just check it out. maybe do some research on what symptoms you have or what is going on with you to see if you can figure it out.


When everything is meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am...
   
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annalibelle Offline
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Re: What's wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? - July 12th 2010, 06:49 PM

Can you allow your family to read this? If you cannot talk to them directly, allow them to read this and then they can get you help.
Best of Luck
Annali


"Every mushroom cloud has a silver lining"- Owl City
   
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