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Kyeto-X Offline
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So...maybe I AM insane? - August 12th 2010, 08:46 PM

So, my fiancee has brought it to my attention lately that over the last month my mood has deteriorated. I am moody and crying more. I have more episodes of wanting cut or contemplating suicide even. I am irritable and certain thoughts or events can set me off into my spiral. It's like i am trying so hard to keep myself balanced on this little edge, and the slightest thing can send me tumbling down. She also says that when i am not moody I can tend to be hyper and...manic basically.

Well, I am homeless right now and sometimes I just see myself stuck in the shelter with no way out and just trying to claw my way out of this economic pit. I try to stay positive but it gets harder with every failed opportunity. I feel like I am getting nowhere fast. As for my Hyperness...I have been diagnosed with ADHD since i was 6. so when my mood is good my hyperactivity has a chance to come out. I am not medicated for it at the moment because well...i don't have money for a pack of gum, let alone controlled substances.

Anyways...My fiancee says these symptoms are alot like her mom and her aunt, both of whom are diagnosed with Bi-Polar. I don't see myself as having bi-polar though...I am cycling way too fast for bi-polar. I can be happy by 4pm and depressed and crying by 8pm. and it is usually caused by some outside influence. She wants me to go to a free clinic to see if i can get some help. but i don't NEED help..If i can get a job, I can get my meds and I won't be depressed...that's it.

Isn't it? I don't know. She told me this and I flipped out telling her that I am bad, evil, don't deserve her, blah blah blah... I don't want to be one of those people who needs a pill or two to get though the day. I don't want to be cycling or depressed for no good reason, just because my neurotransmitters are out of whack. I like being able to say that I am homeless, but i can fight it. how can i fight and resist my mood swings if my brain itself is messed up? I don't want to become a bad Fiance because of this. I don't want to be doped up or even pass this onto my kids someday. If it is a hardware issue with the brain..it is genetic and can be passed to kids... And I don't want to accept that.

Ok...rant over. Should i go to the clinic and see the therapist? See what if anything they can do for me for free, even if it is just listen to me?


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Re: So...maybe I AM insane? - August 13th 2010, 08:01 PM

I understand how scary it can be when people first point out 'abnormal' mood patterns, I do think it sounds quite important that you go and see what they can do for you, like you say, even if it's just to listen.. As a professional, they should have more experience and be able to tell you what is normal and not.. && hopefully will be able to give you some ideas on how to control it a bit more, try not to stress yourself out over the bipolar stuff, many disorders can look similar or to be honest it could just be a circumstance problem, being homeless and stuff I'm sure is very stressful.. Either way talking to someone with the experience could be very useful for you.
Good Luck. x


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