I'm shy, but this is ridiculous

[je taime]

I’ve always been able to build up false confidence when I need it, and keep my friends. But lately I don’t know what’s come over me. Whenever I get close to someone, it’s like something inside me shuts off and I have to destroy whatever relationship it is. The people I can call my friends have decreased from around 15 to 2 in the last year.

With the new school year starting I'm so nervous, because my new lack of friends leaves me with almost no friends in any of my classes. I’m going to be an upperclassman this year, I’m supposed to be out of the woods, socially! But I look at the conversations my once-friends have online, and see my classmates getting boyfriends and I wish I could just overcome my insecurities for once and finally find someone who wants to be with me, and doesn’t make me feel like crawling into a hole.

I guess I just want to know that someone else has felt like this, and is happy and has found love. I’m just so worried this is never going to change and that I’ll end up friendless and loveless for the rest of my life

[Thirteen]

Well, I have felt like this. I've had friends leave me, with different excuses. I've had guys break it off with me because I was fucked up, and all sorts of other crap.

But, I posted a thread about finding my right someone, right here. Before him, I felt the same way. Hell, I still hardly leave the house, but I have my online friends, and my long-distance boyfriend, so I don't really miss the stress of in-person social interaction.

I wish you the best. And yes, it has a good chance of getting better. High school sucks, simple.

[Silver Halide]

This could be a trust issue. It's easier to manage many acquaintances but letting people in could be setting off some kind of alarm in your mind. If you were ever betrayed or left by someone in your past this could be a residual effect.

Think back to when you have done this in the past. Take notes about it. What did they all share in common? Was there something else that triggers it? What is the character of the anxiety or negative feeling that indicated that you needed to shut down and move away from the relationship?

The initial issue aside, the amount of friends you will have at school will fluctuate. You change. They change. People converge. You won't be friendless and loveless for the rest of your life. I had few friends when I left high school and went to college. Now I'm happily in a relationship and I have a few close friends who I would not trade the world for.