emotional rollarcoster

[Buffy]

well all my life i've been emotional but for about 2 years i was seriously depressed cutting wrists, i was addicted to Ecstasy, coke, and still am unable to go a day without weed. i quiet everything else and have been clean for about 2 years. but now, i have such anger problems, my father and sister as well.
but when i get angry, i get manipulative, cruel and i always go for the throat.
and i hate it, i cant control it. but lately its over basically nothing i ended a friendship with someone because i freaked out on them because they wrongly fully accused me of not calling. given he has serious issues of his own, worse then mine actually. i know i need help, but i don't want my parents to be involved. theres nothing at my school no counselor or anything, so i'm kinda on my own here. my boyfriend says i'm rarely in a good mood anymore and he's right. i'm always bitchy and i hate it so much. deep down i'm a really passionate person whos cares about people and the world around, i'm just to afraid to go out in it. i avoid people at all costs, i have maybe 3 friends and my bf.

[Silver Halide]

There are a variety of things that could be causing these dramatic shifts in mood. One thing of note is what you noted about your actions when you are angry. That could very well be a defensive mechanism. The anger could be setting your mind up to treat the other individual as an enemy. Since you mentioned that other family members act this way that could be a source.

Something to help you when you know you are going to get angry is to acknowledge the mood. Moods are pervasive but by themselves they don't have very much power. You need to have confirming thoughts to give the mood more power. If you can notice you are slipping into an irritable mood you could learn to tip-toe around the thoughts it would generate. The sooner you recognize that you are getting angry the easier it is to manage.

A professional could help you manage your anger more effectively, especially if it is rooted in something such as a mood disorder. Since you are 18 you should be able to see someone (doctor, therapist, etc) without your parent's consent and without having to tell them if that is something you really want to do. However, I find that honesty is a easier and less painful path.