My Conscience Wants to Destroy me

[Mrsomething]

I’ve had this problem for ages now, 12 or so months. But you know the little voice in your head that tells you what to do and what not to do. (Some people call it your consciences) Yeah? Well mine is screwed. It’s constantly trying to make me feel guilty for even the tiniest little thing or just generally trying to turn me into a mental wreck. In fact, if I didn’t have it, I bet nothing would even faze me.



I’m fine with all that, my conscience is pretty easy to beat. But the one thing it always beats me in is this.
My conscience has this habit of sometimes when I’m around boys, old men, or basically anyone which I DON’T want to think about sexually. My conscience decides its going to visualise me kissing them! What the hecks up with that! (I should note I’m male, heterosexual)
On top of that, I pride myself in being a person who accepts all people equally (gay, black, Asian, whatever, In my mind they’re no different from anybody else.) But how the heck do I do that when mind keeps randomly makes racist comments from no where. I can’t control it at all.
But the absolute worst thing about my conscience, Is that it is constantly making sexual innuendos, suggestive comments about my mother and not mention saying I’m in love with her! It’s not true, I completely reject the idea, but it still keeps saying stupid stuff about mum which I never want to hear. And it’s driving me insane! It just refuses to shut up!
I’ve tried tons of things but it just wont go away!

Any reply is helpful thank you, I’m happy to answer anything your curious about.
Thank you for listening so far.

[Gymnophoria]

Hey there.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this, I know it's hard.
As it happens, I have a voice in my head that I can't really control either. It does pretty much the same as yours does by making mean and hurtful comments about people I have no problem with. It tells me that the most ridiculous things are my fault and I should be punished for them. It's really outrageous some of the time.
Up until now I did my best to ignore it by turning the music up, singing or speaking really loud in my head to drown it out. I even argue back which sounds kinda insane.
I think it might be a good idea for you to speak to someone though because there are some mental health disorders that can cause this and if you speak to a doctor they'll be able to put you in touch with someone who can help you and treat you for this. Some symptoms like hearing voices stem from depression so sometimes it can be something as easy as taking some meds that can stop it, other times it could be more complicated.
I really hope you get some help for this, it's not fun to have a voice you can't control.
PM me if you ever want to talk.

~ Nat

[Mrsomething]

Oh, Thank you so much for your reply, thanks to you I was able to follow all my symptoms down through websites and forums, and i've managed to link this all the way down to OCD! Now that i know I have a disorder, This will be alot easier to deal with, I refuse to let this beat me, and as soon as i get the chance i'm going to see a psychologist about it.
Thanks for your help ^^

[Union Of V]

Be careful about self-diagnosing though!

[RedJames]

ya for the longest time when i was younger i had the saem issue it was really weird, even now sometimes it acts up and completely random thoughts, or vivid pictures and comments pop up into my head, which i would normally never think or say. I think its just a normal thing, for alot of ppl i have talked to have said that its happened to them too. I got to think as long as you dont act on them, then you should be fine. But now that i am older it basicly doesnt happen, aside from once in a blue moon. I found the place thing is to ignore it when it happens, force yourself to think of something else, or quickly busy yourself with something and after awhile it seems to go away.
It reall is a weird thing though, but at least it happens to ALOT of ppl, so it isn't completely messed up.