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Borderline Personality Disorder (or other 'Cluster B's) Friend/Partner? - September 3rd 2010, 06:43 PM

EDIT: The title says partner. I meant friend or partner, I only put partner because I've been using that for a google search.

Hey, my ex has Borderline Personality Disorder, and due to this, she has really unstable interpersonal relationships. Although she is my ex, we are still very close and have a weird friendship. So I'm still dealing with all the turberlance (and more, as its got worse with time) since when we dating. Its really hard, with all the fights, the easily triggered anger, the social scenes, the hospital trips most the times we hang out, the responsibility, the expectation to stay calm and patient, the pressure from my friends and families to cut off contact with the friend. But if you've ever experienced a relationship with a borderline, you'd know how hard that is, if its even possible. They are intense, they are heaven and they are hell. You get to a point where you don't know life without them. But then no one is sympathetic. Like when a person keeps going back to an abuser spouse, people give up, and don't want to hear it. It becomes lonely, and isolating, even if you still hang out with friends all the time, you have this burden you must carry completely on your own. And you know she's just not going change. She's seriously mentally ill.

And then the other day she came out with 'you are the only one I am willing to trust'. Which is a symptom of the disorder, but what if its not. I can't bring myself to turn my back on her, even after spending the night phsycially dragging her out of the road, because I said something that triggered her, during a fight. In fact, I never know whats manipulationa nd what's truth, because she tells me about all the lies she tells other people including her bf.

I know the best suggestion is 'stop talking to her', but I'm not going to. That's not an option. It's complicated, but I can't do that.

Rather I guess I want to talk to other people who have had or have relationships with borderlines, someone who gets it. Or even borderlines. Or people who are involved with the other Cluster B personality disorders (like Historonic, Narrastic, etc) because they are meant to be similar. Because struggling on your own is hard. I don't blame my friends for not wanting to know, it is like a broken record going on and on for years. But I need a release.

Last edited by Sky; September 4th 2010 at 02:38 AM.
   
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder (or other 'Cluster B's) Partner? - September 3rd 2010, 07:26 PM

Okay, this situation, been there with my best friend. It was almost exactly the same as you just described, easily the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It was hell but I loved her so much that it didn't matter.

PM me if you want to talk. I wish I'd had someone in the same situation to talk to when i was going through it.

The only thing is, after 3 years i just couldn't deal with it anymore so i was forced to cut off contact or jeopardize my own mental health.

Anyway, PM me if you want anything. Would be happy to help xx


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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder (or other 'Cluster B's) Partner? - September 4th 2010, 05:49 AM

The cluster B personality disorders are each based on having a certain amount of symptoms. For borderline, several people can have borderline yet display different symptoms. Narssists don't vary much in the DSM but there are different types of them where they are narcissistic for different reasons, such as someone who demands control and power versus someone who wants everyone to worship them. For your friend, which symptoms does she show? You mentioned some already but I'm not sure if she has others or not, which will affect how you get along with her.

I deal with a narcissist quite often and it can be very stressful and sometimes just wanting to smack him to release some of the frustration. I used to deal with a few borderlines but no longer do. My advice is you know how she is so you can hopefully tell when some things are due to her borderline symptoms and what is not. For the sudden emotions, if she randomly comes to you angry or loving, don't take it personally, try to listen to what she is saying because she may be saying something to you but the emotional change is obscuring it. For example, if you are one of the few people she has to support her and knows of her BPD, she may be thanking you for this but the increased affection beyond normal is a symptom. If she is suddenly angry, then I try to have her explain why and if it's something irrational or about something which didn't quite happen, then I often conclude it's a symptom. If it is about something that happened and anger is reasonable, then I know it's her but if the anger doesn't fit for what happened, I try to ask if it's from other things and if not, then I conclude it's a symptom.

With narcissists, it's much easier because these sudden emotional changes don't happen on random. They get very angry if something seems to be challenging them or not going how they want it to. They gloat a lot about themselves and it's not difficult to figure out why.

Histronics I've never dealt with.


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