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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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anger is out of control - November 1st 2010, 10:45 AM

when im at work i can keep my cool, like not get angry, but when im at home, if anything goes wrong i litterally fly off the handle, shout, slam doors, hit walls, punch walls. the thing is though anything that goes wrong can set me off, laptop not working, tv not working, any thing that goes wrong can set me off, but at work i can keep my cool, i can stay calm, im scared of myself when im at home, im scared that im going to end up hurting my sister or something, im scared im becoming my dad, im scared and im angry. i know i need help, but i just can't admit to my dad, because he will shout at me and go off on one saying i told you i was right i told you you had an anger problem. im scared of myself. i dont like getting angry at the tinyiest thing today its my laptop, my laptop wouldnt work so i started yelling at my mum, and slamming doors. thing is i know what im doing is wrong, but when im at home i cant control it. if im at work im fine i dont get angry, its at home that im angry.

i know i need help, but i cannot admit this to my dad as he will shout at me and it wont help my dad will just shout at me and tell me i told you i was right. but i know i need to get some sort of anger management help, my anger is out of control.



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Re: anger is out of control - November 1st 2010, 12:28 PM

Im no authority on a temper like yours because I suffer from more or less the opposite, much much much anger but some sort of constant block at really expressing it. What I do know of it is someone very close to me suffers from rage similar to yours.

Its possible you get angry at home instead of work because you feel freer there. Tempers often come from a blurring of the part of our mind that tells us getting angry is not acceptable, this is often done by having a parent whos temper was bad so as a child you never really learn that its just not cool to lose it. Somehow though those blocks do exist for you outside.

If an environment is toxic then I'd advise avoiding it where you can, obviously with it being home thats not the easiest thing in the world but even if you just try make sure you get plenty of outside hobby time and hanging out with friends then that might help.

Your father's opinion of you is not who you are and your temper is your concern. Try be compassionate with people like your sister, hostile people are often scary to those who can't understand where the anger is coming from and it sounds like she doesn't deserve for any of it to be pointed her way.

Fighting video games can be very cathartic

I hope anything I've said is helpful


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Re: anger is out of control - November 1st 2010, 05:30 PM

my dad does have a very short temper, always has done and always will do. my dads anger problem is alot worse than mine, i have never hit anyone, my dad has hit me lots of times. at work i do find it easier to keep my cool. alot easier, but i dont know if that is because i know if i get angry at work i would be putting my job at risk, and at home things do get stressful, and i do often feel more tense at home. i know this isnt an excuse for getting angry, and i know i need to do something about it, but if i tell my dad i know i have a anger problem i will not hear the end of it from him he will be like i told you do i told you, who was right agian and get all aggressive with me.



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Re: anger is out of control - November 3rd 2010, 09:06 AM

Well not to play a "who angrier" game, but I've been pretty damn deep in it, and I gotta say I found a few ways to cope.

1: Separate yourself from the situation.
Sometimes walking away is the only way to not end up making the back of someone's head kiss the front against its will.

2: Music.
Calm music can alleviate alot of things, but it usually works best in repetition with a song that has a positive meaning for you, and by no means is it to be relied upon in every case.

3: Martial Art or other physical activities.
I liked Martial Arts, (particularly Muay Thai) because they teach you how to center yourself and really get into your own mind to find a calm center. It's very relaxing and things tend to be calm when you know in the back of your head you can crush a larynx without breaking a sweat. It really forces you to have more patience.

4: Meditation Beads.
This is a new one for me since my anger started Hulking out recently. Wear beads, any beads and once every hour or two close your eyes and repeat a mantra (any sentence or small phrase that calms you) while touching each bead, moving in a calm circle until you get through the whole bracelet. I shit you not, this is kept more people alive near me than penicillin.

5: Prayer/Meditation
Whatever you call it, time to think about the bigger picture and put things in perspective is a must. Just do it whenever you feel that ache (you know which one, the one that means soon a wall shall pay dearly) and use the "count from ten" method when you can't. It can help.

6: Tea.
It's calming. Or so I hear.

7: And this should really be the first one but, Help.
Anger management. It completely pissed me off. Then, with the aforementioned six, helped. And if you're not into therapists or the group thing, (God knows I wasn't) talk to someone who's been through it, especially in times of dire pissed-offery. Like you might be able to tell. I've been there. You can talk to me or the thousands like me and trust me on this one, it'll help.

Long story short, none of these ways are fool proof. But if you want it to change and you want to control it, you gotta give one or two a shot. Take your pick, start off small. I recomend the music and beads first. But if it doesn't start to work and you feel overwhelmed, you need to get some help. That's where the martial arts and therapy come in.

I'm no therapist but I'm in the same boat, only mine's currently floating. It's full of fist shaped patches, but it's above water. If you need it, it's here. And there are literally thousands of 'em in the ocean. Look hard enough and you can spot us.


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Re: anger is out of control - November 3rd 2010, 04:50 PM

You must control on yourself. To lose control at home is not a good habit. You need some vacation from work. Otherwise you need some love from your family. Avoid unnecessary stress. You must take enough sleep. Do regular exercise. I hope you will be fine in some days.
   
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