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riot coming Offline
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I feel like I am losing my mind. - November 19th 2010, 12:43 AM

I feel as if I need to force myself to be happy. I feel like I'm just.. here? Tuned out is the right word.


I can't be bothered with anything anymore. Especially school. It just doesn't matter, because I feel as if I will never do good enough.

This all started around July. It wasn't as bad as it is now, though.


I feel like school isn't important, because I will never do good enough to get into university. I constantly feel like I am going to fail and I won't be able to achieve anything I want to.

Musical Theater used to be my favourite class at school, but lately I just think of it as a waste of time. I can't 'find' my character. I can't act. I can't sing. I can't act.
I feel detached from everyone and everything.

I come home from school and I cry every night, even if nothing bad happened. I have started to do very bad things to myself, and even though I know they're bad, I still do it which in the end makes me even sadder and makes me hate myself more.

I feel emotionally messed up.
I do this thing where I attach myself to people. And I think that as long as this person likes me, I will be happy. I went on a couple dates with this girl, and I felt carefree. She stopped talking to me, I found her blog (in which she wrote about me), and she wrote me a message on facebook (listing all the reasons we didn't work out. or, as i see it, everything I did to turn her off of me). After all that stuff, everything came crashing down, and I felt like nothing could ever be right ever again.
I had a huge breakdown in my theater class, because I can't seem to control myself anymore. I cry so much.

I hate myself all the time. I make lists about everything wrong with me all the time. One is about my personality, the other my looks. I get paranoid about things, such as everyone hating me even when they have no reason to. I feel like I mess up everything I do and there is no point trying because I just fail at everything.

Also, I forgot to mention I get panic attacks all the time. Usually from stress with school, work, friends, etc.
But mostly I get them from touching other peoples hands. I don't know why but the idea of their germs and sweat touching my hand scares me. I feel uncomfortable when people touch my hands, face, arms, legs, etc. I actually stop breathing and start to cry.


I feel like I'm going insane.

one of my friends who i have been recently talking to about this said I might be bipolar, and we looked up symptoms.
the ones that apply
  • Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
  • Irritability
  • Inability to experience pleasure
  • Fatigue or loss of energy
  • Physical and mental sluggishness
  • Appetite or weight changes
  • Sleep problems
  • Concentration and memory problems
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
i don't think I am bipolar, but all of these seem true.
I am sick of crying.
what is wrong with me?
can anyone help me? please?

Last edited by riot coming; November 19th 2010 at 01:06 AM.
   
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Re: I feel like I am losing my mind. - November 19th 2010, 02:54 AM

This doesn't sound like Bipolar Disorder. At all.

To me, it sounds like you may be dealing with Depression, but nothing that you have described has popped out as Bipolar.

And you may be a bit anxious in social, or intimate situations, thus the paranoia.

I suggest if you're concerned, see your doctor, or even have a talk with a counselor.


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Re: I feel like I am losing my mind. - November 20th 2010, 10:49 PM

To me it sounds as if you're just seriously depressed. Definitely doesn't sounds bipolar at all.

I strongly suggest seeing a counselor though. If nothing else, it feels good to vent and to talk about your problems. I see a counselor myself, and it's helped me a lot in the past year.




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