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Unhappy How to approach someone with BPD? - November 24th 2010, 10:56 AM

Hey there, i'm hoping to seek help regarding an issue i've been dealing with a while.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my boyf and things are great, but along the past half a year, i misread certain symptoms that i should have taken seriously while he was still here.
A few blown up fights and his attitude, wich also lead to threats of ruining my life after fights, has lead me to do some research on his behavior and it perfectly matched the behavior of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have done my research and this is no a no basis assumptions as about 5 years ago, i have had psychiatrict help for my anorexia which came with the symptoms of BPD as well. But i've recovered in all sense so his familiar behaviour sparked something in me that suggests he may be suffering from the same. I'm constantly scared of what i do and i words in fear of sparking him off as sometimes he can take some issues, other times he sparks out of nowhere and things get so bad and no mattter any explanation i give in, it doesn't reach his head, and he twists my words around making ME ALL the problem. It seemed like something snapped in him. But a day or two later, he realizes and apologize. It sounds lke a normal fight, except that during that 'rage' moment, it really does get out of hand to a point his judgement towards everything has changed, and changed only in that 'rage' moment. Though he can apologize, the next fight happens and he can twist the previous fight around and make it my fualt too. It has gotten so bad that he resorted to threatening me when i stepped back a little, it's like he wanted my attention but push me off nastily when i'm there. Out of that rage moment, he is a great person.

I recently spoke to a family member of his just to understand his behavior more and help as that certain family member agreed that it was unlike him, the words and behavior he has towards me. He found out and argues that i'm evil and that i turned everyone against him, and that all these while i must have been giving a very bad image to everyone about him, which is untrue. The only people who knows the hurt i went through are only a handful of my best friends, because i couldn't handle it myself anymore.

How the misinterprets issues (no matter or big or small), and at moment of the day, and he thinks that the misintepretion is the truth, does not open to other opinions, he thinks what he's thinking is the only reality. All in all, everything he does fits in the bill of a BPD sufferer.

It wasn't SO bad when he was still in the same country whereby i could give him face to face attention (and so does his family), but it seems it has gotten worse when he went overseas. He had always the attitude of confusion, acts as though he doesn't want our attention when he's angry, but shows alot of anger when we back off a little. And misinterprets everything in anger.

My question is how do i approach the topic of BPD to him (considering he's overseas)? He as a BPD will deny it and turn it around to make ME the problem with BPD, as ike i said, the problem is never him in his head, and its only black and white, only things in his misinterpretation is right.

Help, i really do want to help him.

I am currently not on talking terms with him as last night's argument after i approached a close friend and his family member for opinion, he kept going on about how i must be telling the whole world how bad he is, ruining his image, and that i turned everyone against him. He refused to listen to my explanation that i only told my close friends (two in total) and his family member. Like other BPD sufferers, he only taught the things he thinks is the only right ones and always try to make me admit to his thoughts.

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Re: How to approach someone with BPD? - November 26th 2010, 06:26 AM

I'm a little confused- He has BPD, or you think he does? He definitely seems to have something, but I wouldn't jump straight to BPD right away. There are loads of personality disorders, not just borderline.

Unfortunately, being that he's overseas, there isn't much you can do for him besides continuing to talk with his family. If anyone's going to convince him that he should seek help, it's going to have to be the people who are there with him in person.

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Re: How to approach someone with BPD? - November 28th 2010, 07:58 PM

Well you shouldn't just assume he has BPD if you're unsure. Even if some of the symptoms are alike. Because if you come straight at him, condemning him to a diagnosis of BPD he will feel victimized and you will turn bad in his eyes, at least for a while. Or at least that is how I would feel, I imagine everyone with Borderline is different.
Do not attempt to tell him you think something is wrong in the heat of an argument. Wait until he has cooled down and apologizing to tell him you think you should get help with him. Let him know you're there for him. Truthfully, if he is Borderline, he's lucky to have someone care enough to even look into this. We get given up on a lot. You're a great person for that. I'm not sure if I answered your question, but you can private message me anytime!<3 I really hope things work out for the both of you.
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Re: How to approach someone with BPD? - December 3rd 2010, 07:31 PM

Thanks all.
I really don't know what i can do from so far away. He does things to hurt me in terms of words and all that and his mood swings are erratic. We have spoken in over a week and looking into his online statuses sometimes i'm not ever sure when is the right time to even talk to him (not even about the possible disorder specifically).

Please advise if i should travel to see him. But doubts are in my head if he's actually gonna listen even IF i'm there since we've been away from each other for a few months.

From the looks of things, it seems as though he still holds a grudge against me for putting him down and going to other people and having attitude, diva problems as he say and (occasional threats).

His words now such as the threats and claims that people are telling him that i'm badmouthing him, all seem like lies to me. Is he doing this on purpose? Does he realize? I really do want to try to understand but it's getting harder each day.
He's saying alot of things online that hurt me and the words seem intentional (to hurt me).
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Re: How to approach someone with BPD? - December 3rd 2010, 07:31 PM

haven't spoken i mean*
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approach, borderline personality, bpd

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