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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TwilightDwells Offline
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Me, Myself, and Problems. - November 25th 2010, 01:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Let me start off by saying that this might be rather long. I appologize to you guys for not getting straight to the point. But I know that I need to tell someone.

The Little Girl With Blue Eyes

(Third Person)

There was once a little girl, she was small, she had blue/silver eyes and blonde hair that fell to her waist. She was smiley and happy, and was loved by her family very much. She always had everything she wanted and couldn't be happier with her life.
By the time school started her life was still perfect, like it was for most five-year-olds and she was happy. She had a lot of friends and was kind and repectful. She rarely got into trouble, except for the time she dropped a bucket of blue paint on to the floor. She was considered "perfect" and "adorable" by everyone.


It all started to change for her when she entered fifth grade. She'd been teased a few years before, but it didn't seem to be bad. Or at least it wasn't...yet.
She started to get bullied - bad and was treated terribly by everyone in her grade. Friends became enemies, and enemies stayed enemies. She tried not to complain, but when she got home she'd cry, and be sad. But no one knew about it.
The stutter, the hair length (almost to her knees) were the worst ones. But it got worse, they started to hurt her other ways too. Once, she was tormented by a girl her age on the bus ride home from school, who always said rude things and did rude things. It went from verbal bullying to physical bullying from that point on. She'd walk outside the doors of the school to be pushed around by a group of kids her age and was being treated like she was nothing. It got worse when she started to bruise, showing that pushing, shoving, tripping, and hair-pulling started to turn into hitting, kicking, swarming, and punching. She was terrified to go to school, but went anyway because she had no other choice.
Finally, she came home one day and her mother noticed the purple marks on her arms and asked what happened. She didn't talk at first, scared and unsure. But finally she cracked and told her mother everything.
Her mother instantly told the schoolboard about that issue, and tried to get her daughter out of that problem. But it didn't work, and since the little girl with the blue eyes never told her mother the names of the people who bullied her worse, nothing changed.
It progressed into murmers through the hallway, glares, and name-calling. The girl never felt so sad, but when she went home, she acted happy and pretended that things got better. When, truth be told, it never stopped. She was constantly called a cry-baby and a tattle-tail, and much worse things.
Finally it got to the point where everything was automatic.
Go to school.
Go to locker.
Ignore people.
Walk to class.
Ignore people.
Sit down.
Ignore people.
Listen to teachers.
Ignor people.
Eat lunch.
Ignore people.
And the day progressed like that, every day, the same things, every day, she felt worse.
The little girl with blue eyes was used to this, sitting alone, crying in private, listening to people she thought were her friends say things about her behind her back. Of course she knew. She'd seen them.
One day she was sitting in class, her hair pulled out of it's usual pony-tail and hanging down her back. She didn't notice that the kid sitting next to her had been cutting her long, blonde, curly, hair with their scissors.
When she got home that day and went to put her backpack in her room, she'd her her mother scream her name. She got scared, but answered her mother's call. When she saw her mother, she could plainly see the horror and confusion on her mother's face.
Her mother turned her around so that she could see her back. Her knee length blonde curls, were cut in an uneven zig-zag, across the middle of her back. Choppy and uneven, some hair was still it's natural length, but it couldn't be rescued.
The girl cried, and so did her mother, as her sister watched them cut the blue eyed girl's hair, to the middle of her back.
Her mother forced the story out of the girl. She told her everything, and anything. The bullying, the tears, and the sadness, all welled inside of her, was finally out.
The last week of school finally rolled around and the girl was finally rid of that horrible place. Her mother had transferred her to a different school, hoping that her young daughter would find happiness.

And she did, for about...2 years anyway.

She had a ton of friends, people liked her, and her grades were FANTASTIC. Grade 6 and grade 7 flew by in a breeze. The little girl with the blue eyes had finally found herself happy again.
But, by the time grade 8 rolled around, things started to change. Sure, she wasn't bullied, but she still was having problems. At first it started with herself falling away from people. Then it went into sleepless nights and nightmares. She'd never been a good sleeper - she knew that. So she assumed that was the reason. It wasn't.
By Valentines Day, she'd started to feel extremely stressed and alone. Her eyes looked dull, and she felt like someone was watching her at all times.
March was almost there, when she had a mental breakdown. It was quick, and was over within minutes. Or at least, that's what she was told by a friend who'd witnessed the whole thing. The two girls had gotten into an argument over a test that was the afternoon - one the blue eyed girl had forgotten about - and that test, had caused her to break.
By the time she was able to think straight again (her friend had gotten so angry she slapped her straight across the face, "waking" her.) she'd forgotten the entire thing had taken place. All she remembered was that there was a lot of screaming, crying, and more screaming, before she was back.
But she wasn't back.
The girl with blue eyes was broken.
Almost a year later, the girls problems hadn't gotten better. She now sits in a room alone most of the time, and struggles to get her work in properly. She's now talking to the school counselor, after a year of secrets she's finally starting to talk. He parents don't know about it. They think she's a normal teenager. But really, they are the only people to buy the girl's lies.
She now speaks with the counselor once a week, on school time. But she's been hiding these problems for some time and, from her counselor's point of view, she probably has something chemically wrong inside of her. Which means, the girl with the blue eyes, isn't ever going to be the same.

The girl with the blue eyes...is me. That is my story. An edited one, that doesn't explain the true picture. But give you an idea of what's wrong with me.
I tried to make it a little bit simpler then it really is. But something like that isn't easy to do.
There are many things wrong with me, my counsellor and I will be discussing them tomorrow. I'm scared. We'll be discussing the fact that I might, in fact, need to seek the person who does mental help at my school. Talk with her.
As far as I'm concerned, my problems started before the bullying, before the breakdown, and before my life pretty much stopped to a dead hault. Right now, I still have to convince myself that I have to go to school every morning and put on my best smile.
I just wanted to share this. Because this is what I will be telling my counselor tomorrow. This might change everything, but it might not have any effect at all.
Thank you for reading.
If you have a pep-talk on hand, I could sure use one.
And once again I'm going to appologize for the length of this.
I'm going to stop typing now.
Thanks again.


I will forgive, but I'll never forget.
Love is something earned, not gifted.
The Fallen Angel's cry for their beloved.
~ Katie
   
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Re: Me, Myself, and Problems. - November 26th 2010, 05:53 AM

reading the story about the blue eyed girl just makes me sad becase it should never have to be like that. i bet the blue eyed girl is very beautiful and has no reason to be make fun of, and the only reason they do it is to feel better than you but just remember thats what will always keep them under you. i know what its like to be bullied and it hurts in more ways than one, trust me i know. and you need to tell people whats going on to get it to stop and dont give up, you have to protect yourself your to important to give up.
   
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Re: Me, Myself, and Problems. - November 26th 2010, 06:03 AM

Good for you, getting the courage to tell a counsellor all of this. This should definitely help them to help you. *big hug*
PM me if you ever need to talk.


The walls are high, the walls are strong
I've been trapped in this castle that I built for far too long
You have surrounded me, a sea on every side
The cracks are forming and I've got no where to hide
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Me, Myself, and Problems. - December 7th 2010, 12:53 PM

dont worry it kinda happened to me too........except my parents havent noticed the bruises,cuts,scratches and other things on me......i dont have a counselor like you have but i talk to myself and i sure as hell know im crazy right now........when im at school i dont talk to anybody else......just the teachers and those things are still about my schooling and nothing personal....at home i do my chores quietly....i learned to be a good actress to hide tears and other emotions.....i still do those things......
   
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