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Dmon210 Offline
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Name: Dylan
Age: 27
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Location: Arlington, WA

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This is my first post and I don't really know what to do... about anything - December 7th 2010, 04:39 AM

So, this is my first post. I have never really expressed my issues with people I don't know, but my friend uses this and says it's really helpful. Now, to me, most of the things that have happened to me haven't really affected me(I don't think) I mean with my family. My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember and when I was in 6th grade, he got addicted to meth. Long story short, my life up until about 9th or 10th grade were some of the most miserable times of my life. But my mom was always there for me. She told me"It's not what happens in your life, but what you do with what you are given" That really helped me through a lot of it. Then, earlier this year, I fell in love. At least I think I did. Either way, it's damn near killing me. What I found out about myself is that instead of having problems with substance abuse, I have been having problems with emotional attachments. I have been completely addicted to her and wanting to be with her. She has had some problems of her own, and I want to do everything in my power to help her, because I know that by helping her, I can somehow help myself. But she keeps pushing me away, she has told me that is what she does to the people she cares about, not on purpose though. I am always trying to stay hopeful that one day we can work through everything and be together. I keep reminding myself of what my mom told me, but it's so difficult sometimes. My hope and faith are running out and I'm not sure what to do.

My mind has been totally on the fritz lately and I'm having trouble coping with my emotions. I try crying while watching a sad movie or something, but when I do cry, it's not the cry I need. I sometimes think I need to break. But until then, I feel myself slowly slipping away from who I am. I'm worried, about her and myself.
   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: This is my first post and I don't really know what to do... about anything - December 8th 2010, 11:46 AM

Hey Dylan.

Let me just start by welcoming you to the forums and introducing myself. I'm Katrina. (: I hope you find what you're looking for here. As far as not knowing what to do about all of these different things, why don't we begin with the easy stuff? This thread can probably answer most (if not all!) of your questions regarding how to use the forums and just generally how to navigate yourself around TeenHelp. It can hopefully also direct you to further resources that will be able to show you what we're all about here. So glad you have joined us, and I hope to see you around!

Now, down to business. As far as your family goes, I think its important to note that even if you don't feel as though you've been affected by your family, you absolutely have. Absolutely absolutely absolutely have. Think about it this way: if your dad did not have a problem with alcohol and drugs, your mom may not have taken it upon herself to put so much emphasis on teaching you this marvelous lesson that she taught you, which, to me, seems like a lesson that has truly become a part of what makes you yourself. On the note of the lesson she's taught you, I also just wanted to note that I think she is without a doubt completely correct and very wise for placing importance on this issue. I read a quote once that relates to this that I try to live my life by: "The happiest people in life do not have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have." Going back to the actual addiction that your dad is struggling, I can't say that I know how you feel to have a parent going through such an issue in their life, but I DO understand what it's like to have a parent that is struggling through something that you, as their child, pretty much can't help them with. It's hard to feel helpless, but know that you're not alone in this feeling. (:

Dylan, perhaps it may be beneficial to you to look at yourself in terms of relationships not as having problems with emotional attachment, but more as just having this ONE relationship that's not quite working out. I definitely wouldn't call it a "problem" if this is the only time its happened and this girl is the only person its happened once. This isn't easy to swallow, but perhaps its just time to consider that maybe your personalities aren't able to mesh quite as well as you both thought they would in the beginning. It's great to remain hopeful, but you also have to mix that with a decent amount of being realistic as well, so that you don't end up getting too damaged in the future. It stinks, but it happens to people often, and when it does, sometimes you just have to accept that and try to move on with your life.

To continue down a different line of thinking, if I am wrong about the notion of your personalities not meshing, it DOES definitely sound as though you're both in very rocky parts of your lives. Obviously, she's struggling with her ability to commit to people (and I understand that - I push people away 100 miles an hour if they take ONE step too close to me) and because of the very nature of that issue, its REALLY difficult to help people like that. Why? Because the closer you get to helping them or being able to help them, the more they will push you away. Perhaps you should both focus on yourselves for now, though, and maybe come back to the starting line in the future when you're both ready for a relationship with one another.

As far as handling your emotions goes, its all good to cry in sad movies as a way not to cry about the movies themselves, but as a way to channel your sadness about other things. However, I think I hear what you're saying about it not being the cry you need. Know that there are other ways of dealing with things, though, and I think that in posting this, you've actually hit one of the most effective ways without even knowing it. (: I definitely think you're heading in the right direction. And you know, as far as talking goes, perhaps you might also like to look into speaking [not only about your issues with this girl, but also about your background with your dad and anything else you may be going through] with a licensed mental health professional such as a guidance counselor at your school who could definitely further help you.

I hope that everything works out and shapes up for you. If you need me, you know where to find me. Take good care of yourself.



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